


Frozen Nightingales

by baeconandeggs, Biancanoir1001



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 20:29:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18924454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biancanoir1001/pseuds/Biancanoir1001
Summary: Fame and popularity had changed Chanyeol. He spend less time and neglect the person who supported him since the beginning. Someone who had been patient with him. Then one night, hurtful words came out that had pushed his love away. Can a whole album about their story, confession and forgiveness written by Chanyeol bring his love back who had moved out the country to move on.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** BAE371  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
>   
> 
> **Author's Note:** "You will cry, You will laugh, You will ...Love and you will cry again.  
> Cry for the love that fought against everything."

 

"What do you mean it's empty hyung!?" Chanyeol said standing with fear evident on his voice.

Junmyeon sighed rubbing his face," The owner said he left it two days ago."

"What the fuck do you mean he left two days ago!" Chanyeol roared," You must be kidding, right? It's a prank isn't it? Isn't it Jun hyung?"

Junmyeon felt pity looking at the boy standing in front of him.

"Why are you not talking?" Chanyeol screamed again shaking Junmyeon this time with tears spilling from his eyes.

"I'm sorry Chanyeol but..." Junmyeon was saying when Chanyeol pushed him harshly.

"Shut up! Just shut up! You're lying. I know Baek hasn't left. He won't. He CAN'T." Chanyeol screamed pulling his hair.

  
Junmyeon could see Sehun peeking through the door of his room his eyes asking the same.  
He sighed sitting in the sofa.

He didn't know how he was going to handle this situation.

  
"I need to go. I need to see him. I know he's there" Chanyeol muttered as he stood from the floor and started walking towards the door.

  
"Chanyeol!" Junmyeon called rising from the sofa to stop him.

"Chanyeol stop!" He said pulling his hand.

"Hyung let go! I know he's there! I just have to see him! I'll come back once I just see him!" Chanyeol said pulling his hand from Junmyeon's grasp.

"Chanyeol! I said he is not there. He left!" Junmyeon screamed pulling him away from the door.

"What do you mean he is not there? You don't know anything. Baek would never leave me. You don't understand." Chanyeol said pushing Junmyeon.

"Chanyeol!" Junmyeon said trying to pull him back.

"Sehun!" He called and within a few second Sehun came to his help.

 

"Hyung! Chanyeol hyung" Sehun said pulling him too.

"Let me go! I said let me GO! Just let me see him!" Chanyeol cried trying to get out of their hold.

"Just let me go see him" He said crying now.

"Hyung" Sehun said softly pulling him in his embrace.

"Hyung. Calm down. Please" He said rubbing Chanyeol's back as the cries of Chanyeol started getting louder.

"Sehun~ah!" Chanyeol said still crying ," Baek can't leave. Right? Right Sehun~ah? Baek can't leave. He can't. He can't"

Sehun glanced at Junmyeon who also had tears glistening in his eyes.

"Sehun~ah. It can't... How... ....I...I can't live without him Sehun~ah" Chanyeol cried now falling out of Sehun's arms to the floor.

Chanyeol started screaming pounding his hands in the marbled floor.

"Hyung! Stop!" Sehun said trying to hold his hands from further hitting the floor.

"I hurt him. I hurt him to the point that he left me" Chanyeol sobbed pulling his face to his knees.

Sehun glanced at Junmyeon again, who was still standing looking at Chanyeol crying in pain.  
Sehun didn't know what was happening and what happened.

Why did Baekhyun hyung leave?

But Baekhyun hyung loved Chanyeol hyung too much!

He wouldn't just leave, ...right?

Like this...

Sehun had lots of questions going in his mind that he needed answers to. But at that moment he kept those questions at bay and held Chanyeol's hand that was pulling his hair as he cried.

Suddenly Chanyeol stopped crying out loud and pulled his hand startling Sehun. He saw Chanyeol crawling in the floor towards the sofa.

He stood up following what Chanyeol was upto when he saw Chanyeol holding something frantically, his phone.

His heart hurt seeing Chanyeol in this state. He knew Baekhyun hyung was an important part of Chanyeol hyung's life. Almost everyone who knew about them knew. And seeing Chanyeol like this it made him ache.

He knew Chanyeol hyung was trying to call Baekhyun hyung and he also knew it was only going to end up in voice mails like it had been since three days.

  
"Baekhyun~ah! Baekhyun~ah.." Chanyeol sobbed in the phone," Where are you? Huh? Baekhyun~ah! I'm sorry. Please...please... Baekhyun~ah"

He started sobbing even harder clutching his phone.  
Sehun walked towards Junmyeon who had now crouched down the floor and asked," Did Baek hyung leave....for good?"

Junmyeon looked at Sehun glumly and nodded.

"But..he.." Sehun tried to speak but no proper words came out of his mouth.

"Baekhyun~ah. Where are you? Please answer me... I'll come to get you wherever you are Baekhyun~ah. Please some back. How will I leave without you. Huh? Huh? Please. Tell me where you are." Chanyeol was speaking in between his cries and Sehun couldn't hold it in him anymore.

"But..why?" Sehun's voice croaked as tears started flowing through his eyes too.

And Junmyeon just sighed holding his head and looking towards the ceiling.

"What about Chanyeol hyung?" He asked softly looking at the said male who was apologising and calling his lover desperately over the phone.

"He won't be able to ...live hyung" Sehun sobbed looking at Chanyeol who was losing his mind screaming at his phone asking him to come back.

"As much as I pity him right now..." Junmyeon started speaking looking at Chanyeol too.

"He deserves this pain Sehun~ah" He said and Sehun looked at Junmyeon shocked.

"Hyung.."

"He deserves to suffer right now for hurting Baekhyun.... to reach at this point" He said tears spilling from his eyes but he hastily rubbed it away.

"What do you mean hyung?" Sehun asked but Junmyeon didn't say anything and stood up and walked towards Chanyeol who was still begging in his phone.

Junmyeon then snatched Chanyeol's phone and clicked the cancel button before throwing it in the opposite couch.

Both Sehun and Chanyeol looked at Junmyeon with surprise evident in their tear stricken faces.

"Stop it" Junmyeon said calmly looking at Chanyeol.

"Hyung...Baek" Chanyeol was saying when Junmyeon screamed," I said stop it Chanyeol!"

"Stop acting like this way. Like you care!" He said with venom in his voice.

"What?" Chanyeol whispered.

"You think Baekhyun just decided to pack his bags and leave.. just because? You think? Chanyeol~ah Weren't you two together since when even both of you can't remember? TELL ME CHANYEOL? Would Baekhyun leave without a reason?"

Seeing Chanyeol would not respond to him Junmyeon proceeded himself scoffing ," You drove him to leave. Chanyeol. _YOU made..him leave_ "

By this time Junmyeon had again teared up and this time he didn't even bother to hide it.

"And now you want him back. Because you suddenly realized you can't live without him. Now that you need him? WHAT ABOUT THOSE TIMES CHANYEOL! WHEN BAEKHYUN NEEDED YOU? WHAT ABOUT THOSE?! TELL ME"

Sehun watched from the side not knowing anything as Chanyeol further broke down.

"You tossed him away..Chanyeol~ah. You..yourself threw him out of your life." He said and Chanyeol shouted," STOP!"

"And you know what Chanyeol.." Junmyeon was saying when Sehun tried to stop him holding his elbow," Hyung..stop..please"

But Junmyeon shrugged him," Baekhyun still didn't leave. For so many days, weeks..months he still didn't leave. He only left when You asked him to. Even at the end he left you, for you. Your happiness."

Silence echoed around their apartment for a second before the sobs of Chanyeol started to echo again.

"I hope ...... you _are_ happy now . Park Chanyeol" Junmyeon said in finality and walked away from them.

  
Sehun watched Junmyeon's back getting away shocked. In all these years since they knew each other never had the younger heard Junmyeon speaking with so much hatred to another. He didn't even think that their Junmyeon hyung was capable of that.

His thoughts were abruptly cut off as Junmyeon slammed the door of his room.

Sehun then looked at the floor to the man who was now crying clutching his heart.

_How much did you hurt Baekhyun hyung that you are deserving this much pain in return?_

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was eerily silent, _their_ apartment.

Chanyeol didn't even try to hold back his tears as he closed the door behind him. He dragged his foot through the wooden floor looking everywhere.

The once bright and warm place which used to take all his tiredness in a second felt so cold and hollow. He wondered if a prisoner felt this way in those cold, isolated cells.

  
He looked at his left wall once he put foot in the drawing room. His heart bleeded to see the wall empty. His sobs started to echo and he felt even lonelier.

He started to walk everwhere looking and he couldn't find an ounce of Baekhyun left.

The drawers were empty aside from few clothes of Chanyeol that he left back.

Every piece of furniture were still there but it was so empty. He fell on his knees clutching the bedsheet.

Baekhyun didn't even leave him his scent.

  
_Do you hate me so much now Baekhyun~ah?_

Everything hurt. His hands, his head, his back, his legs. He groaned as he straightened his back. He looked around and closed his eyes again.

"Bae...."

His heart hurt.

He was alone now and nobody was going to come hearing his voice, to greet him with a smile so blinding.

"Baekhyun~ah..." he whispered and tears escaped from his eyes silently.

He didn't realize when he stopped sobbing and... when he started again.

He didn't realize when the sun came out and when it went down again.

It was dark when he had woken up tears in his eyes and it is dark now with tears still in his eyes.

Only when he heard faint knocks at the door did his senses heighted.

"Baekhyun...?" He whispered and stood up from the bed running with all his mind.

Hoping, and silently praying to every God that exists in the universe to just let it be Baekhyun. 

Just once.

He just wants to see him, hear him, to know that he is still there ..with him.

But no, even his prayers were unheard Chanyeol realized when he saw it was not Baekhyun who was standing at the other side of the door.

"Hey Hyung?"

Chanyeol just stared at Jongin.

"I called your phone but you left it back at our apartment and Sehun said you might be here.."

Chanyeol said nothing and went to sit in that old uncomfortable sofa which he always said he hated, which he asked so many times to Baekhyun to get rid off but had always been dismissed. They had bought it when they had first moved to the city and he understood Baekhyun's emotional attachment to it. But it was him who had to sometimes sleep in that piece of furniture and he just hated how his back always ended up in pain. 

Jongin couldn't bear to see how lifeless Chanyeol looked. His eyes were red and still glazed with tears.

"Did you even eat?" Jongin sighed as he sat too.

"Hyung" he called and Chanyeol just looked at him lifeless before facing back to the floor.

"...what do I do now, Jongin~ah?"

"Hyung... "

"Baek... Baek..he...he is gone. He left me ... and went somewhere alone Jongin~ah. He left and he won't come back. How do I live ?" He said in between his tears.

  
Jongin doesn't know himself why he came searching for Chanyeol. He had nothing to say to him. When he could do absolutely nothing to lessen the way Chanyeol was feeling.

Why did he come to witness through his eyes how broken his friend was?

"Junmyeon hyung was right. It's me. " He smiled in between his tears.

"Chanyeol .."

"Jongin~ah. Could you please.... leave me alone? " he said covering his face with his hands.

Jongin looked at him and nodded even though he knew Chanyeol couldn't see.

"I'll leave your phone here. Call any of us okay hyung." He said putting the said thing in the small table before standing and turning to leave.

As Jongin walked to the door he remembered the last time he was in the apartment. They all were so happy. How much had it changed in just a span of few months. And as he passed by, he came across the now empty wall, which once was filled with a huge potrait of two people so in love and looked back to Chanyeol who still hadn't moved a bit.

_Did Baekhyun hyung realize that he didn't only leave making the apartment empty but a human too?_

*****

It had been exactly 3 days since Jongin last saw Chanyeol and it started to worry him more with every minute that passed by. And Sehun also seemed to share the same feeling. 

"Is Sehun coming to pick you up?" Kyungsoo asked him coming out from the kitchen.

"Yeah. He said he was on the way" He smiled tired.

"I packed some food. Take it with you and maybe force him to eat." Kyungsoo said taking Jongin's hand on his.

"Thank you" Jongin whispered hugging Kyungsoo.

"He is going to be okay" Kyungsoo said but they both knew deep inside: No, he was not. 


	3. Chapter 3

_"I will never leave you...no matter what. I promise you. Whenever you look beside yourself you'll see me there, holding your hand ...like this okay. So, look at me now and smile"_

_"Even if I become ugly and useless"_

_"Even more than this?" Baekhyun laughed but still holding their hand together._

_"Baek..."_

_"Yes, even if you become ugly and useless. I'll love you forever"_

_"You can't ever leave me okay. No matter what. I don't think I'll be able to live" Chanyeol said hugging him close._

_"I promise." Baekhyun hugged back ," Well unless.."_

_"What unless...?" Chanyeol asked pulling away a little ready to fight and Baekhyun chuckled._

_"Unless you big baby, if you ask me to leave"_  
_Hearing that Chanyeol scoffed and returned to hug Baekhyun again ," Then you are forever stuck with me. As if I'll ever ask you to leave. "_

 

 

Chanyeol smiled sadly looking at the photo he pulled out from his wallet.

"I didn't ask you to leave Baekhyun~ah. I didn't. I promise" He whispered.

Caressing it lightly he stood up to the wall. It seemed so wrong seeing that empty. He then started to pull out the drawers to find something that would help stick the picture in his hand to that fucking wall.  
He walked to the huge book stand of theirs and pulled out it's drawers. He saw a tape and walked back with it on his hand.

  
He tore it messily but pasted it on the photo very carefully.

He thought it would make him feel better but he was so wrong.

Because it hurt more.

The picture was barely visible and would disappear when he was standing afar. It would gradually disappear.

So, he stood infront of that wall staring at that photo, looking at that face wondering where he was? what he was doing? If he was okay? If he was crying too? If he missed ...him? If he was ever going to see him again?

 

He wondered how much Baekhyun must have hurted that he ..just left. Without leaving any trace. Without any goodbyes.

How long had he thought about it that there was nothing left of him in that apartment. Nothing. As if he was never there.

_Never existed._

Cold sweats formed in Chanyeol's head and he turned around to the sofa and looked for his phone that Jongin had brought. He opened it with his hands shaking.

 

_"Chanyeol~ah. I am mad. Don't annoy me more"_

The voice filled around the apartment.

One could hear the person recording from the phone laughing along.

 _"I'm serious. I said stop annoying me for God's sake! "_  
_"And Stop Laughing!"_

More laughs could be heard.

 _"I will break that phone of yours"_ Was heard before the video went black but the giggling was still heard.

_"Give it!"_

_"I told you not to annoy me"_

Chanyeol laughed remembering how Baekhyun sounded angry but was also giggling the whole time.

Another video started this time.  
Where Baekhyun was working in the kitchen and just when he saw Chanyeol he rolled his eyes.

_"It's a very good morning to Park Chanyeol for his fianceè is looking lovelier than ever and is cooking his favourite breakfast."_

_The camera then zoomed to Baekhyun's face._

_"Look at this face. It's ..SHINING!"_

_"Shut up" Baekhyun says pushing the camera away._

_"Everyone.. this man... this man right here.. you see.. yes! This lovely man..." Chanyeol says rotating the camera around Baek's amused face._

_"Is not a human" Baekhyun laughs at that while Chanyeol continues," He is an ...angel" he whispers._

_"Stop it and let's eat." Baekhyun whines and tries to snatch the phone._

_"Got to go. My angel calls me"_

Another nag is heard from Baekhyun before the video stops.

 

The setting is very different in the video this time. It's Christmas and Baekhyun is giggling opening his presents. He always loved the festival. And every Christmas Chanyeol would tease he liked Christmas only because he could get gifts and the other would punch him till he was satisfied, like every other year as a tradition.

In another video there's more of them this time and all of them were sitting still, like actually not moving. Until , _" Oops . I did a video"_ Was heard and whining from fifteen of them was heard.

The next video that played had both Chanyeol and Baekhyun in it. Chanyeol was hugging Baekhyun from back . It must have been Sehun's birthday party and Chanyeol was wearing a cheesy birthday hat on top of his head.

_"Ayy, they are at it again. Cheesy shits"_

_"You are just jealous" Baekhyun says showing his tongue and Chanyeol kisses his temple._

_"Ughhh. Stop."_

_"You get away. And that's my phone you dim-wit"_

Chanyeol doesn't remember who was behind the camera at that time.

 

_"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear fianceè. Happy birthday to you"_

_"Now make a wish. Fast."_

_Baekhyun then closes his eyes and blows the candle before smiling at the camera._

_"What did you wish for?"_

_"Yeol, you don't tell your wishes! It won't come true"_

_"But Baek.. how would it get true if I won't know what it is"_

_Baekhyun laughs ," Cocky much"_

_"Of course" Chanyeol says kissing his forehead._

_"Now tell me. So that it can get fulfilled "_  
_Baekhyun laughs loudly and then looks at the camera," I wished ..that my boyfriend..."_

_"Fianceè " Chanyeol piques._

_"Yupp..Fianceè ...would grow up!"_

_"Now you are just lying!"_

_"I'm not"_

_"There's no way you wished that"_

_"I did" Baekhyun teases._

_"You..."_

The video stops at that.

 

_"Oh my god. It's that diary we saw in the mall" Baekhyun says surprised and smiles._

_He screams tackling Chanyeol and both of their laughters can be heard._

_"You like it?" Chanyeol asks fixing the camera._

_"I love it!" Baekhyun screams hugging Chanyeol again and the camera focuses on the ceiling._

_"When did you buy this?"_

_"A true magician never reveals his secrets"_

_"What are you even saying?" Baekhyun laughs kissing him._ _" I love it. Thank you"_

_"That's it! Just a peck. That's what I get?"_

_"There"_

_"What? That's not how you kiss your future husband Mr. Byun"_

_"Get away. I need to inaugurate this diary"_

_"You are going nowhere"_  
_Squeals were heard from both of them._

_"Yeol, stop! Stop! " Baekhyun screams in between his laughs._

_"Stop tickling!"_

_"Yeol!"_

 

The video pauses suddenly notifying that the battery was low.  
Chanyeol grunts and stands up. He rememberes seeing a charger cord while looking for the tape.

He takes it out from the drawer and plugs it in the socket and then proceeds to sit in the floor with his phone.

But the phone still shows low battery. He tries again but it doesn't work for more than 1 second.

He rememberes it being broken and then they had bought a new one. So he stands up again and starts fumbling everwhere. He doesn't find any other charger.  
So, sighing he tries to make that work. He twists it around the phone and make it stand against the wall.

And with some weird strategy his phone starts charging.

But he couldn't use it.

Even his own phone was not on his side. He then starts to just walk around the apartment. Aimlessly. Pulling things and misplacing them and then again placing them at the right place. It started becoming too lonely in just a few minutes.

So, he carefully crouches in front of his phone and unlockes it and replays the videos from the start and starts watching ..again.

_"And Stop laughing!"_

_"I told you not to annoy me"_

_"...its SHINING "_

_"Got to go. My angel calls me"_

_"Shut up!"_

_"You are just jealous"_

Their voices surrounds the apartment and Chanyeol tried to just focus on those.

As if he was there..again.

With Baekhyun.

_"Yeol, you don't tell your wishes! It won't come true"_

_"I did"_

  
Chanyeol thinks how even his voice made the apartment feel less lonely. That is how much the power Baekhyun held in himself.

_"I love it!"_

_"Get away. I need to inaugurate this diary"_

_"Yeol, stop! Stop! "_

 

Baekhyun always loved whatever he gave him anyway. He was never demanding but it made his work tough every year. 

_"I told you I'm not singing"_

_"But want to hear you sing!"_

_"Don't! Stop! Why are you always with your camera?"_

Chanyeol had to always work hard to know what Baekhyun wanted for himself. Otherwise he would never get himself anything he wanted. 

 

_"Who even keeps their money in plain sight Baek?"_

In the video Baekhyun was "hiding" his money inside his shoes that had definitely seen better days.

_"Oh shush! Haven't you heard? You should hide important things in plain sight?"_

_"That's just ridiculous Baek"_

_"You shut it"_

 

 

  _"He bought the entire store ..again"_

_"There is just five books Yeol! Just five!" Baekhyun says rolling his eyes at the camera ._

_"My fianceè is again going to ignore me for days now." Chanyeol says putting the camera right in front of Baekhyun's face and the other starts laughing._

_"How in the world did I end up having to compete with books for my fianceè's attention?"_

The camera moves and falls to the floor because Baekhyun had taken it's position in Chanyeol's arms but the voices were still audible.

_"That's it. A hug.?"_

_"That's it. A tight hug?"_

_"That's it...ou! AAU! "_

 

The video stops playing again and everything stills inside the apartment. The only thing audible is the breaths of the human who was staring at the black screen. He tries to replay them again but he hadn't even realized when his phone had stopped charging again. So he again put it on charge and slids to the floor and stares at the ceiling.

Everything hurt.

He stands up mad. He knows he can't do it. He can't stand another second without seeing Baekhyun. He needs his presence. Otherwise his sanity was going to get shattered.

His head starts pounding so does his heart and his stomach. And his eyes starts to tear up again. He looks around and the picture at that wall mocks him because he can't see it from this far. 

He shakes his head and looks around but it only seems to do more damage. Because it is so empty. Even the bookshelf was looking barren. He moved towards it and saw Baekhyun had taken almost half of it's things. And the thing was Chanyeol couldn't differentiate whether Baekhyun had taken some which he had gifted him to. Or had Baekhyun left every one of his gifts?

He wouldn't...would he?

But why did Chanyeol feel that it was what Baekhyun had actually done. He had only taken what he actually 'owned'. Like that frame Minseok gave him last Christmas, the thickest book he bought from his heaviest paycheck in August, that small statue he bought for good luck from that trip but he had not taken that dream catcher Chanyeol gave, nor those couple shoes that Chanyeol bought in LA. Weren't they lighter to take than other things? 

Chanyeol was looking all over the huge shelf when he sees that Baekhyun even left their album in the bookshelf. 

Album...!

He hastily grabs it and opens it flipping around the first few pages. 

He breathes looking at the content in that book.

 

    _"Who even makes album in this ERA Baek?"_

_"Me! Byun Baek! Why??"_

_"You could just upload them on Goo.... Okay. Okay._ _No talking. Seee.....I zip!"_

_"Physical photographs and virtual photographs HAS a HUGE difference Park Chanyeol. And... why are you looking at me like that?"_

_"Like what?"_

_"stop looking at me like that!"_

_"Like what?"_

_"Like that!"_

_"That what?"_

_"Ughh! I'll just go inside the room and ...no don't follow me!"_

_"Why not?"_

_"Chanyeol!"_

 

He breathes because Baekhyun had left something for him. At least.

He had left him their precious memories that they had captured over the years.

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

         _ **Picking up my old guitar**_

_**The confession I couldn't make** _

_**Pretending I made one song** _

_**I'm about to tell** _

_**Just listen, I'll sing for you.** _

_**-Sing for you** _

 

 

Chanyeol smiles looking at the very first photo that came across his eyes. 

   _"First of forever"_ that's what Baekhyun has written on it. 

Two toddlers barely 4 months and 10 months old sleeping peacefully with their arms facing towards the sky.

 

       

              _ **A mystery came to me**_

_**With a face of an angel** _

_**Your warmth** _

_**-For life** _

__

 

They had been friends since the both of them could not even remember. Every important memory of theirs had each other in it. They played together, studied together and even slept together.

Perks of being neighbours they say.

Chanyeol begins to relive the memories of their growing up with those pictures with every page. Them in that park that had those climbing rails they would go to  after school everyday, in that school trip to the zoo where they bought matching caps, them dancing in the new years, playing outside the Byun's garden, sitting in each other's mother's lap, laughing with their siblings, that time when they went for family picnic, their birthdays and so on.

And in every frame they were always beside each other. Never a feet apart. 

But now, Chanyeol didn't even know how far  was Baekhyun away from him. How he wished he could go back to those times when all they worried was how to stay awake to see the stars, without their parents knowing.

 They had always been each other's best friend and there was no one in their entire town that didn't know about it. If one could see Park Chanyeol walking down the road, they just knew Byun Baekhyun was not far behind.

As they grew up, the people of their town even started teasing them saying ," So, when are we getting the card to you two's wedding? "

They used to whine and laugh it off asking them to stop the teasing but with their faces red. And if they turned to their parents they would also laugh it off or worse, join in the teasing.

 

It's been years and even now when other people starts asking them they still can't tell when exactly they fell in love with each other. Forget the time, they cannot even pinpoint the year when they realized they loved each other. Chanyeol doesn't know whether it was due to all the teasing from everyone that he somehow began to think that it was not bad calling the other his husband in the future.                                                 Whether it was during the time they spent together gazing at the stars with butterflies in their body talking about anything and everything or was it when they couldn't stand other people taking the other's attention and just wanted him all for himself. It just happened.

For the two of them, _it just happened_ , naturally. They didn't even have to have the 'talk'.

Just one day, in their early teens some of their friends teased them asking if they were boyfriends seeing them holding hands everytime and they just ...nodded.

Just like that. No confessions, no thinking or even asking.                                                                          They became the "first couple" of their grade.

  
But between them it was sealed when a blushing Baekhyun had asked while they were returning from the school," Yeol...are we really boyfriends?"

Chanyeol had nodded that time too with his ears going red but tightening his hold on Baekhyun's hand.

      

              _ **The moment I go to you,**_

_**With a pounding heart** _

_**An instant Heart Attack.** _

_**-Heart Attack** _

  

They always remember that moment laughing but embarrassed. They say how surreal it is now that they think about it. That their story must be the weirdest way of becoming a couple. 

 

Maybe because they had grown up together they somehow loved similar things.

They loved each other's parents equally, they loved watching at the night sky in autumn and running in the summer to the hills, they loved watching the re-run of their favourite shows and falling asleep while doing so and especially, they loved working towards their dreams.

The only difference between the two of them was the direction of their dreams.

Because Baekhyun's dream path was on culinery and Chanyeol's was on music.

Their love for their dreams was at par to their love for their parents. They used to spend hours talking about their dreams and listening to each other.

Maybe because they understood each other's dream so deeply that they fell in love with each other even more so.

While daydreaming hours about their dream of getting big and successful in their fields they had both realized something. That for them to achieve their respective dreams they had to one day, leave their small town.

And so they began dreaming again, another dream but this time their dream was not separate.

  They dreamed , of going to the big city, Together.

 

 

  Chanyeol stops and stares the photo that comes across his eyes. His face breaks into a huge smile but his heart hurts equally. That photo in his hand he realizes held everything that was precious to him.

Both of their families, _Baekhyun_ and most importantly,the evidence of them promising each other of the future, evidence of them getting engaged.

 People gasped hearing that they have been engaged and asking if it had been too early? They were still kids in general, why be tied down at such a young age.

But Chanyeol is and was confident back then that it had been the best decision of his life, to get engaged to Baekhyun. They say getting engaged at Nineteen was early but there is no such thing as right time.

Because Chanyeol had not fallen in love at right time either.

He had most probably fallen in love with the boy since they both couldn't even walk. Engaged at nineteen? It was actually late in his opinion.

 

But they don't mind the people because even they couldn't believe it back then, that they had been engaged at nineteen.

Well, it had actually been their parents idea.

They had just told their parents about wanting to move to the city because they wanted to follow their dreams.

And both of their parents were shocked to say at least and completely opposed to it in the beginning. But the two of them hadn't wavered at all. They had sat them down and begged them to let them go. But it was Baekhyun in the end who had changed their mind.

Chanyeol still remembers by heart what Baekhyun had said that day," We know you are worried what will happen and what would we do. Because it's scary and we are scared too. But mom we want this. You know we would respect your decisions and stay if you ask. But...we want to go because it's our dream and we don't want to regret it the rest of our lives. We just want to follow our dream... when we still have the chance "

And they had indeed agreed to let them go in the end because their parents loved them too much and knew they had to let their children follow their happiness.

They had hugged their parents and were crying when Chanyeol's father had suddenly dropped the bomb ," But before going to the city, we want you two to get engaged"

They had been shocked and had looked at each other speechless.

"You two are leaving for who knows how long and .... since you'll be living together anyways." Baekhyun's mother had said.

"Mom!" Baekhyun had screamed embarrassed.

"We have to think about these. And it's not like you both don't understand too. We don't want people to talk and.." She was saying when Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun towards him and said ," No!"

"No?" Everyone asked surprised.

"What do you mean No?"

"Chanyeol!"

"What..?"

Everyone was kind of shouting when he had started pulling Baekhyun out of the drawing room of his house towards the backyard.

"Where are you going?"

"Chanyeol, we are not done talking!?"

"What are you....!?"

But he hadn't listened to anyone and had closed the door shut.

And when he had turned to face Baekhyun, he was looking at him hurt.

"Chan.."

Chanyeol had then started to nearly panic realizing the situation he created.

"No..no..no Baek. I didn't mean it that way. Of course I want to get married to you!" He had screamed seeing Baek was near to tears .

"Then why did you..." Baekhyun had pouted tears falling," I thought you really didn't want to marry me"

"I love you! What do you mean I don't want to marry you?" Chanyeol had said hugging him.

"Stupid. Idiot. You made me cry" Baekhyun had whined punching him lightly to his chest ," Then why did you say No?"

"Because ...."  
Chanyeol had started speaking but didn't say any more or rather couldn't speak more than that.

"Hmm.?." Baekhyun had asked getting out of the hug when he realized Chanyeol was not speaking and then looked at Chanyeol.

"Because I should ask you first?" Chanyeol had answered or questioned unsure, resulting Baekhyun to giggle at him.

"Why are you laughing?" Chanyeol had whined this time.

"You ....want to propose me first?" Baekhyun had teased smiling.

"Of course! I have to do every thing properly!" Chanyeol had said confident even though he remembers being so nervous inside.

"But you don't even have a ring?" Baekhyun had asked innocently.

"Yeah...But I love you" Chanyeol had answered with conviction to which Baekhyun laughed loudly before hugging him again.

"And I want to marry you Baekhyun. I really do. And I want to be with you till we get old and ..yeah.. " Chanyeol had said breathless.

 

        _ **Because you are the star**_

_**That the sky dropped,** _

_**That is you,** _

_**I stay up all night in your thoughts** _

_**Your bright smiles make me breathe** _

_**You, you are probably** _

_**Hiding your wings behind your back** _

_**Anyone can see that you are** _

_**My only angel.** _

_**I can fly if I am with you.** _

_**-Heaven** _

 

"And...?" Baekhyun had asked his face still on Chanyeol's neck.

"And?"

"..." Baekhyun had then again shifted in Chanyeol's arms to look at his face raising his eyebrows.

"Chanyeol.." he had whined.

"What?"

"Aren't you going to ask me?"

"Huh?" He had asked really confused to which Baekhyun had just sighed.

"The question?"

"What question....???....???.....oh!" Chanyeol had burned red with realization.

"I can't believe I'm going to marry this stupid" Baekhyun had pouted.

"Hey! You can't say that to your future husband. That's ...mean" Chanyeol had smiled cheekily.

"You haven't even asked me yet and so, I've not agreed to it yet" Baekhyun had said pushing him and trying to get back inside the house.

But Chanyeol had held his hand to stop him from leaving.

"Umm...." He had said looking at Baekhyun's eyes and then faked a cough slowly trying to get on one knee. To which Baekhyun had smiled so brightly getting tears in his eyes.

   "So, Baek? Will you...marry me?"

 

 

Chanyeol stares at their faces in that frozen memory.

 

They were happy and they were in love. So much in love.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Graduations.

Always bittersweet.

It's always hard for people to embrace change. You get familiar with the familiarity and leaving it is always difficult for anyone to cope with.

Chanyeol sees his face red and puffy in every pictures. Trying too hard to smile but anybody could see right through his act. He can see those images moving in front of his eyes. Those last hugs, those promises to keep in touch, to live their dreams.

And that warm hand that never let him go. Because that hand knew he needed somebody to hold, to give him strength, because nobody understood better. 

Right before they had all huddled up for their batch photo Baekhyun had whispered  _I Love You Yeol_  to him. Chanyeol had held Baek closer to his arms thinking as long as this person is with me. It is going to be okay. 

Chanyeol always knew he loved Baekhyun the most,to that infinity point they learned in Maths class one day but little moments like that.. insignificant and not so grand, it made him fall in love more to Baekhyun, beyond the impossible. 

 

**_Oh, I fall for you several times_ **

**_Love, without me knowing_ **

**_Comes and finds me unexpectedly_ **

**_\- Don't Go_ **

 

   " _Never gonna let you go_." Baekhyun has written on that picture.

How ironic Chanyeol feels.

  

 

 When Chanyeol turns another page, he gets surprised. Given that he has seen this album a few times he had never come across the photo and he is pretty much convinced that it was not there before. And neither does he know of the photo being captured because star gazing was 'their thing'. Nobody ever joined them because well  they didn't let anyone to.... anybody else was not  _allowed_ to.

 

      " _With you."_

 

It's not the best picture and judging from the quality Chanyeol comes to conclusion that it's his mother. It's definitely his mother that sneaked to click the picture where they are just laying on the grass at the back of the Byun's garden. 

The picture itself is a little blurry and due to lack of enough lightening the people in it are barely visible but Chanyeol feels grateful seeing it in his hand. Stargazing had always been their ultimate 'date' . They used to talk and just talk for hours. Of their dreams, of their day, of their problems, of their fears, of their expectations and just everything. Things that they wouldn't share with anyone else. They were each other's diary that held all of their secrets.

In the beginning they used to sneak out without their parents or siblings knowing and when they were found out they did get scolded for hours for being careless .That even if they did live in a safe neighbourhood they should not have been irresponsible.

So, _sneaking_ to stargaze stopped.

     And _permission_ to stargaze commenced in Byun and Park household.

 

                ** _We talk all night long,_**

**_Asking about how each other's days were_ **

**_And when you say this is the_ **

**_Best part I shine even brighter_ **

**_Thanks to you_ **

**_-With You_ **

 

 

   It's the sofa.

  Chanyeol laughs looking at it.

It was not the first picture they clicked after they came to the city but the first one they sent to their parents. They are just hugging each other lightly doing peace signs each sitting in that sofa. In the picture, behind them there is a door and beside it the plain wall with just the switches. It's a decent picture but what makes Chanyeol laugh is not what's in the picture but due to what's  _Not_ in the picture. 

Chanyeol remembers that memory like it happened yesterday. They had sent that picture because the only piece of furniture they had in that cramped place was  _That_ sofa which they got in a very cheap deal. Other than that they just had a mattress lying in the floor opposite to the foot of thay sofa where the two could just fit and the blanket that they brought from their home. Their closet were their suitcases and their kitchen was a small stove placed in the floor. But they had not wanted their parents at home to worry. 

Because, even with just that mattress and that sofa they had been really happy. Happy to be there, in the city where they could be a step closer to reaching their dreams. 

         " _One step at a time."_ The picture says.

 

Chanyeol reminisces how tough it had been the first weeks they had come to live in the city. They had begun to search for part time jobs as soon as they could in order to support their living and within a week he had got himself a job in a warehouse. There were other positions left too in the same warehouse but he hadn't wanted Baekhyun to do such hard labour. And so had asked him to find a job that allowed him to cook if possible.

After some couple of weeks when Baekhyun still didn't get any decent enough jobs, Baek had pleaded Chanyeol to let him join in the warehouse he was working in, even for just few weeks till he found something else but Chanyeol was adamant in not letting Baekhyun work there. Everyday at home, he would find Baekhyun sighing and crossing out places looking at him with sad eyes, apologizing. 

He would apologise because he didn't get any job yet and how he was making it hard for Chanyeol. Chanyeol would then scold him for even thinking like that. And like always, they would find solace and comfort from the entire day in each other's arms, humming and singing to their favourite songs. 

 

            ** _We warmly held each other with happy laughter_**

**_Nights were dreamed of a tomorrow that_ **

**_Will shine like the stars._ **

**_-Universe_ **

 

 

 " _My angel"_

No. Chanyeol thinks. You were. You are. Always.

The picture he has in front of him was clicked in front of the fountain of the park that they had to pass by while coming home from the warehouse. Baekhyun would wait for Chanyeol just so they could return home together. That day Baekhyun had merely pulled him and said to him "Come. Let's take a picture here!"

But then after Baekhyun got his job at the small restaurant down the corner, they never went there together. Their schedules didn't allow them to.

Chanyeol wants to go there again, with Baekhyun. 

Take another picture in front of that same fountain.

He wonders... can they?

 

 

                 " _I see it. And so will everyone"_

 Music had intrigued Chanyeol since the very first time their dads played the radio one afternoon blaring it in hugh volume with recent songs. He had loved hearing the songs in the radio and he had loved copying it and then singing it to Baekhyun. Who would praise him saying that he was much better than the person they heard in the radio.

The more Chanyeol grew, the more his passion towards music grew too. And then his life begun to revolve around only two things:

Baekhyun and music.

Back at their town, Chanyeol had been it's pride. Everybody loved him and his music and always praised him for his talent. Every festival the town held, they used to ask him to sing and he had always been more than happy to perform. So, he _knew_ he was not bad.

Chanyeol had learned whatever he knows and he could about the music world from Mr. Jo, who was a retired army soldier but still knew his way through musical instruments and a lot about music.

Every weekends Chanyeol used to drag Baekhyun with him to Mr. Jo's house and learn with him. Even Baekhyun had taken liking towards the piano after few days and started learning it. Sometimes they also used to sing together, with Chanyeol and Mr. Jo playing the guitar and Baekhyun taking over the piano.

At first Mr. Jo had seemed very reluctant to teach them thinking they were just bored teenagers but after seeing them really interested, he taught them diligently. He even taught them how music is made and how to produce one. Every time they came out of his house, they came learning something new.

Before leaving for the city, they had gone to meet him and he had been very happy hearing Chanyeol really was trying to pursue music.

Before leaving though, Mr Jo. had hugged and said to both of them ," It will very tough to survive that web of deceit in the city. Be tough to walk through it"

They didn't understand it back then.

After coming to the city when they had found a roof over their head and a stable income source, Chanyeol then got to start looking for auditions in music companies.

While working in the warehouse, he used to hear these boys around his age in the radio singing and he wanted it too. It burned inside him with want to be able to reach that place too.

He tried a few places first but some had already done the auditions for the year and some said they would call them. Everyday Chanyeol waited patiently. Searching, waiting and again searching for his opportunity. 

He had been surprised at the beginning because everything was so different than he thought it would be. He used to think I am good enough so somebody will sign me  soon. He didn't know how tough it really was in the actual industry. He didn't know that it was a long process, that he had to train first and for who knew how long.

As long as I will get to be a singer, I'm fine with everything...he used to think.

And when he finally got a call from one company he had run to Baekhyun's arms at home and they had cried in each other's arms.

They thought their dreams were finally starting to take shape.

But the next day, Chanyeol was disappointed to find that they barely listened to him, they simply looked at him and said that he looked good so they could sign him but he had to pay them monthly in return for the training. And the amount , it was ridiculous.

Chanyeol might have come from a very small town but he was not stupid. He knew he had to get out from those people who were trying to con him. And he did but as soon as he got out of the building his heart hurt.

He had really hoped it would work out. Or at least, he had expected it to be better than ....that.

And he had even told Baekhyun already and he must be expecting too.

He had then decided not to tell Baekhyun yet. That day of his audition, he lied to Baek that it had been postponed and they would call again with the next date. And Baekhyun had believed him (or so he thought) embracing in his arms asking him to wait patiently because something great was coming his way.

And so, he tried again.

And again.

And again.

In so many places.

That he began to lose count.

And yet.... he kept failing.

Some listened to him, some didn't. And those who listened, didn't seem to want him.

He still was patient.

A few months had passed already since they came to the city. And Baekhyun too had found a good college to take culinery degree. He was getting somewhere.  His starting point was in a clear view. While he was still stuck. 

He thought it's not my time yet.

People say bad times is a phase of life. It'll come and go and Chanyeol believed in it too. He kept hanging onto the hope that it'll pass. It's just a bad time. It is going to pass. But Chanyeol soon realized that Bad times is never a phase. It's a fucking domino effect.  
And his world too came crumbling down one day.

  
Chanyeol was auditioning in yet another company. It was fairly big and he had learned some of their artists name was quite big in the industry. He could see many people around him waiting too just like him and he had wondered if it was just as hard for them.  
When it was Chanyeol's turn he as usual had introduced himself and stood with his guitar in his hand with hope twinkling in his eyes and smile gracing his lips. Nothing was extraordinary in the audition than any other day until one of the panel judge who seemed only a few years older than Chanyeol asked him ," Why did you come to the audition of our company Mr....Park?"

"I want to sing" Chanyeol had replied obvious.

"Okay" the judge with  _Mr. JANG._ written in the nameplate before him had said while smirking and looking him from head to toe.

Chanyeol had always been confident about his music and his singing but with the way that judge was scrutinising him he had been barely be able to sing that day. Even he had been disappointed with himself.

But that was not it.

The push that tumbled the dominoes.

He knew and had realized that he performed poorly. Even he acknowledged it . It was just that.... before leaving he heard Mr.Jang, the judge say ," He looked like a beggar but couldn't even sing as good as them. Tch... . The standards. Everybody from the streets comes and says they wants to become a singer nowadays.."

 

Everyday, every rejection , Chanyeol had embraced it with a smile, with pride. His mother used to say, Even when the whole world is against you, you believe in yourself. And so had done it.

But maybe it had been accumulating so fucking much ..little by little or whatever the reason, that day, he couldn't hold himself up. He had walked to their home from that audition with tears falling from his face,without caring that people were looking at him.

And when he closed the door he remembers he had cried like he never did before.

After some time he had moved to the bathroom to clean his face, realizing it was getting late and Baekhyun could be home any minute. Because he didn't want Baekhyun to worry. And then he saw his reflection in the mirror.

He was wearing a regular blue checkered shirt that day which his parents had given him on his last birthday and his faded blue jeans. He had gone to work and ran from there to audition with the same. So, it had some traces of dirt remaining on him that he picked up from work.

_looks like a beggar but can't even sing like one._

  
It again started to ring in his ears that he crouched down again on the bathroom floor and started crying hard.

He thought back to all those auditions. Did they also reject him because he went there looking like this?

Because he didn't look shiny enough?

Why did it matter how his appearance was, how he looked and dressed? He just wished his talent had not been be overlooked.

      Or ...did he even have talent ?

 

And when Baekhyun had came home he had gotten so worried looking at his state and seeing Baekhyun get worried , broke him even more.

He had in mind then, that he shouldn't have let Baek see him in that condition and worry him but now that Chanyeol thinks back, it was a blessing from the universe to him that Baekhyun came to him that day.  
Because that moment before Baekhyun came, Chanyeol had been feeling like a worthless piece of shit, like that judge from the company had implied. He was thinking in his head that maybe it was just in his head that he was good, maybe he aimed too high than he could grasp for.

Who was he anyway? He had never taken any fancy classes or any formal training. He had seen and met so many people going to these auditions and they were so good. They had years of formal training and sometimes Chanyeol had felt something poke in his heart and yet he always killed that feeling. The devil in his mind had been planting seeds from so many days that maybe, he had never been good enough.

Who was he anyway? A boy from a small town that people wouldn't even recognize hearing it's name. Otherwise why would he get rejected so many times? Not even one among the hundred considered of taking him.

Never had he felt so helpless and worthless.

And most importantly he had been .... just tired.

Tired of everything.

Tired of waiting. Tired of giving himself hope. Tired of telling himself that he was good. Tired of believing in himself. Tired of thinking ...just one more because that's the chance I've been waiting for.

 

Chanyeol doesn't know if Baekhyun even remembers that time too well. He might remember that Chanyeol had had a breakdown but Chanyeol's sure he doesn't consider that moment as something really important to remember.

For Baekhyun, he must have simply consoled Chanyeol to sleep holding him close to his heart, whispering him words of love and strength but for Chanyeol, it meant and still means the world.

Had Baekhyun not been there to hold him, just hold him that day, Chanyeol knows he would had given up.  
It had been his breaking point and he had already made up his mind that NO!

What he dreamed of for years was just too much. That maybe all these rejections,.... it was a sign for him to stop. And that he had to wake up and face the reality.

Park Chanyeol had broken into pieces that day and Baekhyun had held his broken self.

"I'm sorry..... I'm so sorry" Chanyeol had murmured in between his cries and Baekhyun had just shushed him holding him close.

Chanyeol had once read somewhere that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words and he understood it's meaning that day.

Just getting held by Baekhyun had kept him sane.  
And when his cried had subsided Baekhyun had cupped his crying face making Chanyeol look at equally tear striken faced Baekhyun.

"Because you are stupid, I know you are blaming yourself." To which Chanyeol had again begun to bawl.

"But it's not your fault Chanyeol~ah! It's not." Baekhyun had whispered ," So, stop apologising to me and yourself too."

Baekhyun had said and again held him in his arms.  
"Baek...." Chanyeol had wailed again and again.

 

Later that night Baekhyun had laid him down in the bed still holding him and caressing his hair.

_"Aren't you going to stop?" Baekhyun had smiled with sadness evident in his voice when he saw tears were still flowing from Chanyeol's eyes even though he was not wailing like before._

_"Even you know you look ugly when you cry. I'll just run away without marrying you" Baekhyun had whispered._

_"But .." Chanyeol croaked after a few seconds ," but you promised" he had whispered ,"you promised to stay with me even when I'm ugly and... and..."_

_"I know!" Baekhyun had nearly shouted," Where will I even go leaving you?"_

_Baekhyun had then closed Chanyeol's eyes with his palms and whispered," This is an order from your future husband . Don't you dare open your eyes Park Chanyeol."_

_He had then removed his palms to softly play with Chanyeol's hair. And Chanyeol had closed his eyes as Baekhyun had ordered._

And Chanyeol had slept like a baby during the biggest tsunami that had ever hit him in his life. Only Baekhyun could make it possible.

 

  
Days later Chanyeol was still barely doing okay. He barely talked and everytime Baekhyun even tried he would shut him off with a hug. Chanyeol could see Baekhyun was getting worried with his behaviour but he allowed him space. He always understood him like the back of his palm.

Baek took a leave too from his work and had not left him all alone in the room. Baekhyun did give him space but he knew too much space and Chanyeol would just keep thinking and torturing himself if left alone.

Chanyeol doubts Baekhyun would cry alone in the bathroom while taking shower. Baek was hurting too seeing Chanyeol that way but he hided his pains. He used to put up a strong facade and stand beside Chanyeol, always being strong for him. 

             

_"I see it. So will everyone"_

It's the picture of Chanyeol from those days. He is sitting on the floor slurping noodles that Baekhyun brought home for dinner. 

It's a sad reminder of those terrible days but is also a reminder of how those terrible days has shaped him to what he is today.

 

 

 A week later Chanyeol still loathed himself in his head. He then started feeling too empty .Along with that he lost his want to do anything.

He didn't want to wake up. He didn't want to eat. He didn't want to go to work. He didn't want to sleep. He just used to stare at nothing.

And Baekhyun, his Baekhyun would give his everything to cheer him up even a little.

And little did Baekhyun know it only had made him feel guiltier.

If he had felt empty then he felt emptier when Baekhyun left for work. Now, he also had started feeling lonely and it suffocated him. He waited by the door sitting in the floor for hours for Baekhyun to come home.

And when Baekhyun came back he didn't leave him for even a second. Even in his sleep.

His Baekhyun, his guardian angel, who loved him and with all of his flaws.

Who he has now pushed away, to God knows where.  
Chanyeol skipped a few pages after that. He didn't want to relieve those days again because the memories of it, still haunts him till date.

He nearly gave up his dream and left everything at that phase of his life. He had fallen into the pit of sadness he had dug himself and he hadn't even bothered to lift himself up. Simply, saying during those days Chanyeol had given up on himself.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

    

   The first time Chanyeol sang in the auditions for his current company  _Zhang Music_ , he had ruined it, absolutely ruined it. 

From his very first verse of the song, he had started making mistakes. Not only were his tunes off, he had been shaking the whole time. 

And when he finished , he couldn't raise his head. Because he had known that he ruined it again. And that he embarassed himself again. 

 

After seeing Chanyeol give up on searching companies and not even talking about it Baekhyun had taken matters into his own hands. He started finding Chanyeol places to audition himself. 

Baekhyun had said to him,"  _You might give up on yourself but not me . I can't "_

Also, he didn't even give Chanyeol a chance to oppose him.

_"For me? Can't you go just for my sake?"_

And that sentence used to do it's work just fine.

Some places Baekhyun suggested Chanyeol would have had already been to and then to others he used to go there half- heartedly already knowing the outcome. Knowing this time he would disappoint Baekhyun along with himself.

His once shining and confident demeanour had shattered and he just looked like a lost kid. He looked like someone who had no passion at all.

He who never missed any tunes or beat started making mistakes everytime. And he did that day too during his audition in  _Zhang Music._

 

But then he was given another chance. 

 

He couldn't believe it back then at the spot neither can he now that he had been given another chance that day.

He believes that even in that sorry excuse of his singing, they had seen something in him that made them gamble on him. To allow him  _that second chance._

An actual chance that he had been wanting since he first tried in the city.

Chanyeol feels thankful for that chance everyday that Baekhyun made for him, that Mr. Zhang gave him.

 

_"Mr. Park, I don't know why but I believe that you can do much better than this. So, how about showing us that? Hmmm? ....here, drink some water and let's start again with a clear mind?"_

 

 And when Chanyeol was standing in front of the panel to sing ...again, there had been nothing on his mind except for Baekhyun and his words.

_"For me? For my sake?"_

That if not for himself, he definitely owed it to Baekhyun. Who was carrying his burdens too along with his own difficulties.

So, he strummed his guitar again and this time he sang with all his heart;

 

_I can't overcome the sadness in my heart_

_Another one of my sleepless nights,_

_I endure it once more_

_I really don't mind the sadness_

_It absentmindedly wakes me up_

_Again in the morning_

_The injury seems worse than I thought it'd be_

_The pain seems to dig in deeper_

_Than I thought it would._

 

 After the audition that day,Chanyeol had _again_ cried in Baekhyun's arms but this time Baekhyun had laughed. 

   _"I am so proud of you"_

_"I knew you could do it"_

_"See. I told you"_

Baekhyun had cheered over and over again.

To celebrate Chanyeol's selection as a trainee Baekhyun decided to make him a cake with cupcakes. Even though Chanyeol had asked Baekhyun to not spend his money for it was not necessary, Baek had shushed him saying that the moment was worth celebrating. Chanyeol was worth celebrating and that if he spoke anymore, he was going to get kicked out from their house for four hours.

Chanyeol had again cried when they called their parents. And so had their parents saying they were really proud of him. 

 With their parents on phone, Chanyeol had blowed out the candles on the cake. 

   _"My superstar"_

The tagline in the picture states and so does the icing on the cake, Chanyeol is sitting in front of.

 

 

Looking at the album Chanyeol realizes that even though it had pictures of both of them, it was all about him. And he is not even surprised. Because what else was he going to expect? It was Baekhyun. His selfless and kind Baekhyun who always put others before him, who always put Chanyeol before him. Chanyeol's happiness before him.

 

_"Handsome trainee's first day"_

Chanyeol is smiling with a peace sign in front of the  _Zhang Music's_  old building. He looks way skinny in there and his face looks weird in his opinion.

Handsome ?

 

They had been ecstatic that Chanyeol had got selected. However, amidst the celebrations they forgot one important thing. The basic thing. That they basically had no money enough for two of them.

Chanyeol was going to train for months and he could only take one or two part time jobs at most meaning  he could bring less than half what he was bringing then. And with Baekhyun's fees for culinery, their rent, food, electricity, gas, water, transportation and so much more, they already were walking on thin ice.

   It didn't hit any of them at the moment but at night when they were about to go to bed. They both knew that the other was worrying the same thing but none of them voiced it out loud. 

It was like a splash of cold water in their faces. 

The next day they went their own ways like any other day. Baekhyun made them breakfast while Chanyeol cleaned around. Before they parted they kissed each other goodbye at the door. Even in the normal, none of their heart was at peace.

  When Chanyeol returned home that day, Baekhyun was already home and was sitting on the floor, reading. He smiled and called Chanyeol over to sit next to him. And calmly said ," _I think I'll sit out college this year"_

Baekhyun said it like he was informing that he was getting groceries. Chanyeol was speechless and froze for a minute.

_"What? ..no! Baek.. No! You... how.. no don't even think about it"_

_"Yeol.. I'm not saying I'm leaving college forever. What I'm saying is I'm sitting out this year ..uh uh! Let me finish. I'm sitting out to try for the scholarships."_

_"Baek..."_

_"Yeol." Baekhyun sighed, " You and I both know that we can't afford your training as well as my classes."_

_"So? No . Baek. I can try in other.."_

_"And? You will still have to train. And it is still going to be the same situation again. You have got this ...amazing opportunity babe and don't let it go. And you know I didn't just made this decision... I have really thought this through. If I can bag the scholarship, it's going to be so much better too and I really think I can get it.. you know. I can be a scholor. You see it's almost a win-win situation"_

 

 

 No, it was not win-win situation like Baekhyun had said. It was Baekhyun putting his dream in pedal for Chanyeol's wheels. 

Chanyeol had never felt that gulity his whole life. Maybe that's why this photo came put so weird. 

But Chanyeol remembers Baekhyun smiling so bright behind that lens. Who jumped right into his arms giggling , wishing him luck, kissing him over and over again.

Chanyeol knows he never deserved Baekhyun.

        

           _ **Despite my clumsiness, you still**_

_**Like me no matter what** _

_**But do I deserve to be loved by you?** _

_**You who have always been** _

_**Waiting for me** _

_**You embraced me with your open arms** _

_**So thankful to you.** _

_**-Promise** _

 

  

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

_"The three musketeers"_

It's the three of them; Sehun, Chanyeol and Jongin inside Chanyeol and Baekhyun's place. None of them are looking at the camera though because all their attention is on the food in front of them.

Training had been really hard since the first day. Chanyeol could sing well but dancing. Not so much. But to debut he had to work on that too. Luckily though his friends in the company were both good dancers, in fact the best among the trainees in his opinion. They really helped him before as well as after the class.

Chanyeol feels grateful to them because without them debut for him would have been near impossible. They pushed him everyday, giving him techniques, pointing out his problems but most of all not giving up on him.

Back then he used to feel bad for them because at the beginning Chanyeol had been really difficult person to teach. Still, they used to spare their time for him. When he shared it to Baekhyun about them and how they were helping him being so selfless, Baekhyun demanded him to invite them home. That he would love to treat them a meal. As a way to convey his gratitude.

" _After all they are helping my future husband"_ Baekhyun had said cheekily.

Sehun and Jongin had been surprised at first because Chanyeol had yet to tell them about his relationship status. So when Chanyeol had introduced Baekhyun as his fianceè, their eyes were bulging.

They were really awkward at first but in few minutes Baekhyun had loosened up the atmosphere with his aura. Soon they were talking like they had been friends all their life and were catching up.

 _"They are nice kids"_ Baekhyun had complimented while doing the dishes.

 _"They are not really kids. They are our age Baek."_ Oh well..... Like always. Baekhyun stood correct. Within days they really became Baekhyun's kids.

 

 

_"One down"_

 

The words are written in the picture of SKY's debut album ' _MAMA_ '.

One down. Chanyeol's dream.

To debut it had been difficult and nobody had imagined after debut it would be even more difficult.

They were 34 of them in the beginning and along the months slowly it started getting less. Some couldn't handle the pressure, some left because of their financial or family problems but the number gradually decreased. Yet it was a battle everyday. They were friends but enemies too.

When the company announced that they were planning to debut a new boy group it created a chaos among the trainees. They were thrilled and nervous to their core. The notice said a 92 days observation was going to happen and at the end it was going to be decided.

Which meant Chanyeol had to quit his part time jobs and also had to live in dorms for the meantime.

And Baekhyun had screamed at the other end of the phone when Chanyeol had relayed him the message.

Chanyeol had cried not because he might have the chance to debut as a singer after all these years but because at the other end of his phone call someone was jumping in joy, was happier than him, for him.

Because that someone didn't even think _What now? How will we manage? What about the money?_

 

When Chanyeol left to live in the dorms they couldn't communicate at all except for some days. Baekhyun would send him money every week and Chanyeol used to feel horrible knowing how hard it must be for Baek to now work for supporting two lives. So, he used to work harder on the training. Thinking if he succeeded, he could lessen the burden on Baekhyun very soon.

When Chanyeol had gone home after forty eight days he had broken down in Baekhyun's arms. All the emotions overwhelmed him. He had cried because he missed Baekhyun so badly, he cried because it had been so tiring, he cried because he was exhausted, he cried..... because Baekhyun only had bones left in his body, he cried because Baekhyun was suffering too much on his own and he cried because there was no way out.

Baekhyun never told Chanyeol how many jobs he took for supporting them and how he managed alone those days.

And neither did Chanyeol wanted and wants to know... ever.

Of course he has the idea. He knows Baekhyun must have worked all day and all night, going from one job to another without resting, sacrificing his sleep, his hunger, everyday.

He knew and knows in his heart Yet he never asked Baekhyun about how he was surviving.

Because he wouldn't be able to take it.If Baekhyun said the truth to him and said it was hard.

But more than that, he wouldn't be able to take it if Baekhyun lied and said ' _I'm doing fine. Yeol.'_

And he knows what answer he was going to get anyways.

So, that night holding Baekhyun's body in his arms Chanyeol vowed to himself that one day he was going to give him everything in the world.

That he was going to die but he was going to debut and he was going to succeed. Be so successful that the memory of that phase would never reoccur to them.

 

_**I'm sorry** _

_**I love you** _

_**-Promise** _

 

 

Brilliant.

Their company representatives had said that it was brilliant, the three of them together.

How everything fit together for them like it was meant to be. That they looked great, their talent was at par, their chemistry worked and that they were sure to be a big hit.

The three of them used to talk about it every night in the dorm about the _If's_ Of debut, how they would react, what would they do, if they would cry or would jump while screaming or in Jongin's case, faint. But in that moment, the reality, they just froze. Because it seemed so unreal to them that it was happening.

That they did it. Finally.

In the state of shock they walked out of the room bowing and thanking like a robot and then just silence. No one spoke anything until Sehun jumped amd hugged the life out of Chanyeol.

They must have looked crazy in front of the onlookers but boy did they care.

Three over grown boys were jumping and hugging and laughing but also looked like they were crying. But who cared.

They were debuting.

At that time they felt like all their problems were going vanish now, like magic.

But the problem was, magic is just an illusion and real life never works that way.

The debut album's picture that Chanyeol holds in his hand which he thought was going to end his struggles had just been his thought. Because their debut turned out to be a _failure_.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

Chanyeol sighs slagging in the sofa and looks upwards to the ceiling thinking how far they have come now from when they debuted.

How everything has changed in everyone's lives.

When things had not worked out the way everyone in their company thought would, it was madness.

Everyone was blaming one other but nobody cared about those three young amateurs whose everything had shattered to the ground. They had dreamed about it for so long but it suddenly turned out to be a night mare. Amongst themselves too they started questioning what went wrong?

Their album barely sold in the stores and neither did their digital even make it to Top 200. They tried to do events but people barely showed up. The first week music stations broadcasted them but then they were not even given the slot. Their company had to pay them to appear on a radio station that was barely popular. 

Amidst of this they could still smile when at lunch they had lunch boxes sent personally by Byun Baekhyun.

By then Baekhyun had gotten a better day job as a cook in a fairly popular restaurant. Baekhyun had told Chanyeol that a customer from his old job had recommended him to go to the restaurant and try as they were looking for hiring. And Baekhyun had impressed them with his skills and had got the job. 

Chanyeol knew Baekhyun could do so much better but he was still shackled to his ankles. He never admits it loud but he dragged Baekhyun down. Because if he even spoke anything around that matter Baekhyun would get very upset.

Like that one time when after debut Chanyeol had come home and during dinner he had said that he was sorry for being not good enough, that he was making Baekhyun suffer like that .

Chanyeol swears Baekhyun nearly popped a vein that day.

_"What did you say?"_

_"I..."_

_"No! Shut up!" Baekhyun had shouted standing up from his chair," Do you even know what you are saying?"_

_"Isn't it true though? Look at me. I debuted. I recorded a song and yet I can't even ..."_

_"Shut your mouth right now! Otherwise I swear to God I will kick your ass ! Look at me! I said look at me! If you don't look at me right now Park Chanyeol....."_

_And when Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun he had pointed his fingers at Chanyeol and said," Say it again. Say that shit you JUST said again! Say it! Look into my eyes and say it!"_

_Chanyeol couldn't._

_"What? You are sorry? For what? Because you're not earning money. Shit Yeol! Since when has money ever become the problem?"_

_Baekhyun then paced around the space with his hands on his hips, face bursting with red._

_"Do you even love me?" He had suddenly asked._

_Hearing that Chanyeol had stood up too," Baek! Why are you...? Of course I love you!"_

_"Then do you think I don't love you? Do you not believe...that I LOVE YOU PARK CHANYEOL?!"_

_"Baek baby.."_

_"What if it was me? What if it was me who was not earning and was in your place? Huh? What if I was in your place? Would you think I was not ..good enough? Would you?"_

_Chanyeol stood there like a statue shaking his head ..in shame not uttering a single word._

_"I can't believe you. You dare ask me to MARRY you! That you want to be with me forever! Yet you think with a problem this insignificant that I would ..."_

_"I can't even think right now. You are making me so angry right now Park Chanyeol"_

_"You! Why aren't you talking? Aren't you going to speak anything? Huh!?"_

 

Chanyeol doesn't know about other people in the world but to appease _that_ Baekhyun all he had to do was pull him in his arms and say Sorry. That he would never speak or even think things like that again. 

And he really was apologetic. However, Baekhyun did not actually forgive him that easily. He had ordered Chanyeol to do the dishes while he glared at him from beside him blabbering with himself. He had threatened him that if he ever even thought something like that Baekhyun was going to starve him for the rest of his life.

And Chanyeol did what he had to do.

He kissed Baekhyun hundred times, apologising with every kiss. Basically, he changed the topic. In a very smart way.

 

The threatening only worked for a few days though because even though Chanyeol had already debuted Baekhyun still had to send him money for his personal spendings. It should not have worked like that. It was time that it worked the other way around.

That Baekhyun be at the receiving end.

Chanyeol worked hard but he knew he had to work harder.

They started training more. Their vocals, their dances, their raps, their skills. And along with that, they started working to promote themselves. They did shows for free. They performed for 40 around people in rural areas.

And It didn't hurt them even if the people didn't recognize them or their song. It hurt when people didn't even recognize their talent. They didn't care about how high their vocals went or sharp their choreography was. 

But thankfully, they had each other and they had Baekhyun. Who never let their minds stray and kept them in track to their dreams.

Along those times, Chanyeol even had the opportunity to meet that man _Mr. Jang_ again. They just happened to be in the same building as him. Funny thing was while Chanyeol was sweating rivers praying to not let that man recognize him, the man had simply looked over at them and walked his way.

Chanyeol had then realized the man didn't recognize him not because he looked different but because he didn't think they were worthy of his attention.

Like last time, Chanyeol was heart broken again but this time he didn't succumb to it. He burned inside but he didn't allow himself to die because of it. Instead he channelled that fire to his passion.

That same day Chaneyol being the leader of the groul asked the director of their company to give them a comeback.

 

With every mess that was going on with his career ,Chanyeol didn't realize when he lost track of other things in his life.

Especially important things of his life.

This must be the biggest mistake of his life.

He loved Baekhyun. He missed Baekhyun. He felt guilty to Baekhyun. He wanted to do his best for Baekhyun. 

But amongst all that he somehow forgot Baekhyun. 

He forgot to make calls, to send messages, to ask Baekhyun if he was doing okay, if he ate well, if his day went okay. 

And it wasn't the problem.  Baekhyun also understood that. He knew what Chanyeol was going through was tough. Nobody would understand Chanyeol better than Baekhyun.

What Chanyeol did wrong was he didn't take the calls and he didn't reply even when he could have, that he didn't give Bakehyun five seconds of his life because that much he was able to afford to that person.

With everything going on, Chanyeol hadn't even known till much later that Baekhyun had left out college the following year _again_. 

 

Chanyeol stands up leaving that album in the sofa and walks towards the kitchen. He opens the fridge and takes a bottle out of it and gulps it. He realizes his body had been parched in need of water and finishes the entire bottle. 

Sighing he puts the empty bottle in the counter which only results it to falling. The sound echoes in the marble floor and Chanyeol doesn't even bother to pick it up. 

Because he starts thinking since when did Baekhyun must have had the thought to leave him?

When could it have been?

Since when did he start pushing Baekhyun to the edge? 

Since when did he started hurting Baekhyun that bad?

 Because Chanyeol can now see reasons that go years back.

He wonders if it actually is in years? The time when Baekhyun first thought of leaving?

 

He starts walking back to the sofa and again starts turning the pages like a ghost.

 

 " _What even is this? LOL"_

It's a picture of them before going to perform in a broadcasting station. The tagline Baekhyun has written definitely must be pointing towards their 'fashion'. They have these weird clothes that are too huge for them with cheap shiny materials and has designs from out of the world. 

 

  " _Monster in work"_

Chanyeol is with his guitar with pages spread around him in the picture.

Baekhyun used to say when Chanyeol is making music it's like a monster has possessed him. Doesn't speak, doesn't hear and gets angry over small things. Baekhyun even dared to call him as ' _Monster_ _'_ everytime he worked. 

But it turned out great, Baekhyun calling him  _Monster._ Because with that Chanyeol wrote a song with lyrics stating  _'You can call me monster'_. And it has broken records so many which even SKY can't list out. 

 

  " _My man is on T.V!"_

It isn't even a big festival but it was showed on T.V. which Baekhyun had obviously not missed.

 

   " _Goals :D"_

Chanyeol had bought them couple tees as a Christmas present to Baekhyun and Baekhyun had worn it immediately so that they could take a picture. 

 

  " _Sneaky_ _husband_ "

Chanyeol is the one clicking this picture because Baekhyun is sleeping soundly here wrapped up in the blankets. With his bed hair and open mouth. In Chanyeol's opinion he looks perfect and to the point.

 There's another picture too on the same tag. One was with Baekhyun sleeping alone while the another one has Chanyeol kissing the sleeping Baekhyun's cheeks.

 

   " _One day it will pay off"_

Sehun, Jongin and Chanyeol are sleeping in the floor with their arms and legs thrown everywhere. Judging from their attire they must have come straight from their practice and then passed out in the floor.

 

 It did pay off. All those hard work and those struggles. Those sweats and those tears they shed.

Because the once unknown trio group suddenly blew up to become the new face of South Korea.

Their songs from the comeback album stayed in charts for weeks and months breaking records that had not been broken for years. Everyone started seeing them everywhere because everyone was curious about who these boys are that's shaking the entire industry. 

Not only did their talent started getting appreciated, they also started getting appreciated.

The shows that once didn't even look at their name to consider putting on the list, put them up in the VIPs. They once had to pay for getting shows now they were getting paid to make an appearance. 

Their song was everywhere, every channel and every network. Everybody knew their dance moves. Their faces started coming out from the aisles in the supermarket to the bill boards of the malls.

They were begun to be dubbed as the 'princes' of Korea.

Well now they are called the 'Kings' but back then in true sense they suddenly started having the life of a prince.

And to live as princes they had to make some sacrifices.

With their popularity they had to be very careful with everything. They got so much work that they forgot how to breathe properly. Slepping became a luxury to them that they couldn't afford. 

Yet they didn't complain because they were living the dream. 

Chanyeol became so busy with everything that was happening around him, in his life that he became blinded. 

 The already non existant communication became completely non existant due to schedules and privacy and everything else. Yet Baekhyun waited for him everyday. He embarced him whenever he could. He cheered for him with his every might. 

 

Chnayeol didn't think it back then nor could he two days ago when he found out about the news of Baekhyun's missing. 

But he knows now.

He loved Baekhyun. He always did. He never stopped. Not even a second in his life. And Chanyeol _knows_ Baekhyun also knows this. Even when he must have left he knew that Chanyeol loves him. 

Baekhyun didn't leave because Chanyeol didn't love him anymore.

He left because Chanyeol started taking him for granted.

Because Chanyeol forgot about his priorities.

Because Chanyeol forgot his promises.

 

     ** _I want to hold onto you_**

**_And ask you not to leave_ **

**_I know I can't turn back a promise_ **

**_That I've already broken._ **

**_-Promise_ **

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

  " _The nth anniversary"_

It really is nth for them because well they don't know how long they have been  _actually_ dating. 

Baekhyun looks too happy in the picture. Chanyeol does too but Baekhyun, he looks like he is over the top of the moon. Chanyeol is wearing normal plaid pyjamas and Baekhyun is in his blue one.

It must be because Chanyeol had said that he might not be able to make it to celebrate together but later turned up in front of the door with a cake lighting in his hands.

And the keys to their new apartment which reflects in the next picture.

 

" _Paradise_ "

Ironically, the apartment building's name was in fact Paradise Apartments. It fit them perfectly.

Chanyeol had bought that apartment as soon as money came up in his bank account. It had always been on the top of his list. A better place for Baekhyun to live with all the expensive kitchen appliances that Baekhyun always talked and dreamed about. He wanted to go all out for Baekhyun. And he did. He didn't have enough money for everything that time so, he borrowed it and even loaned it and made everything perfect. 

Baekhyun is kissing him in the picture with his eyes closed and a huge smile playing on his lips and they are standing in the kitchen. Baekhyun had wanted to click their first picture inside the kitchen which he  _Loved._ He had even shed few tears looking at it.

When Chanyeol was taking the picture Baekhyun had kissed him suddenly and he thinks he doesn't want the picture to be in any other way.

Chanyeol had bought Baekhyun his dream house in the city with so many luxuries.

But he forgot one thing to include in that dream house.

Himself.

The only thing that would have mattered to Baekhyun. 

 

 

Chanyeol hates himself. 

That person gave him his world.

And he gave him nothing but pain in the end.

There were no Christmases or New Year's together anymore. He had to be at his year end schedules. No anniversaries or birthdays because he had recordings, he had photo shoots, he had concerts. 

This apartment never saw those celebrations on the same day. It was either a week before or a week after.

Yet Baekhyun never asked him for anything.  Never.

Except that day. 

 

    _"I'm sorry Baby. I'm really sorry. Please don't be mad at me"_

_"I'm not mad. I know it's your work. You have to go when they call you." Baekhyun said putting his palms in Chanyeol's cheeks._

_"Still I'm sorry. I know I promised you"_

_"Yeol. I understand. And I'm not upset."_

_"Thank you" Chanyeol said kissing his forehead._

_"But Yeol...."_

_"Hmm...?"_

_"Stay for now? I'll even wake you up tomorrow for your flight"_

_"How about I message Junmyeon hyung then?"_

_"I miss you too much these days that it hurts" Baekhyun said putting his head on Chanyeol's shoulders as Chanyeol typed the message to his manager._

_"I know baby. I miss you too."_

_"Yeol....?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"I love you"_

_"Love you too"_

 

 

Chanyeol should have understood the signs. He prided in himself that nobody knew Baekhyun better than him but he didn't see through him. 

Baekhyun was always waiting for him patiently. He was keeping it strong.

But with Chanyeol in his new world it got harder.

They say any relationship is like a balancing beam. There should be efforts from both side. 

 Chanyeol was happy that time. He was getting successful, he was achieving, his fans loved him and he had the love of his life waiting for him at home.

 He had his dream grasped in his fists.

But he failed to see on the other side Baekhyun had been left with nothing. All Baekhyun had was Chanyeol in his life and Chanyeol even took that away from him.

 

 

    " _Reunion(s)."_

There is again two pictures and in both of them the whole family is there. There are the entire Byuns and the entire Parks. Before that their parents did visit them once but separately. And only for two days each.

It had been stressful those days because Baekhyun and Chanyeol had been lying about their living condition. And they had to again during their parent's stay about how they had everything sorted even if it was not the case. That time Baekhyun had  _Borrowed_ some furniture from the grandmother that lived alone upstairs from them who readily gave them too to the kind hearted Baek who sometimes helped her with her chores. 

But this time, everything had been genuine.

As soon as Chanyeol and his group blew up they had called their parents. But their parents had only little idea about how huge the deal in reality was.

Only when Chanyeol's songs started playing in local radios, his face started coming in the products, the boards and the weekly overseas schedules did their parents started realizing their son really hit it big.

So, they came. To congratulate their son in person.

The first picture is from inside a famous restaurant.  Every one is sitting and smiling in their seats. But it was the calm before the disaster.

Just after taking that picture, they were talking and waiting for their appetizers to arrive, when Chanyeol's fans had flocked in front of the restaurant and were entering it. They thought since they were in a private room it would be okay but it was not because suddenly a commotion was being created outside to see Chanyeol's family. 

And so....They left.

Chanyeol had been waiting for that day for so long when he could treat Baekhyun and his family to a really nice restaurant with his money but even now when he could afford it, he couldn't do so.

He had been really upset that time.

Then they went to a hotel and stayed there. Because some fans might be discreetly following them and going to their apartment was not a good choice considering no one knew about it. And inside that hotel room they had ordered foods and drinks and truly celebrated there.

 

 " _Well, Reunion 2.0"_

Chanyeol likes this picture better where they are all over the place with food everywhere,  in their hands and their mouth, the table, bed and chairs.

Chanyeol definitely likes this picture better.

 The family had talked all night. Chanyeol sharing about his stories showing them pictures of abroad, the places he went, the concerts, the celebrities he met and then Listening about their town from their families. 

How Mrs. Park and Byun only buy the groceries with Chanyeol's face on it and that they get special discounts from people. That people have asked them to bring his autographs for their children.

For Chanyeol it had been a perfect night.

However the next day he had been left confused  when before leaving, his mother had asked if he and Baekhyun were doing okay. With everything that was happening.

Chanyeol had said they were.

Maybe they were or maybe they... were not.

 

 

 The silent apartment suddenly blares with music and Chanyeol gets startled too. Due to which the album in his hand falls on the floor .He had completely forgotten about his phone. 

He stands up leaving the album on the floor with hope evident somewhere in his heart that maybe, just maybe it was Baek but he gets deflated when he sees it's Jongin.

He stares at Jongin's display picture till it falls silent again.

He knows they are worried . But he also feels they should not.

They loved Baekhyun too and was important to them as well. In fact Sehun was closer to Baekhyun than his SKY bandmates. But Because of Chanyeol he was gone now. To God knows where.

Chanyeol feels they should not call him like that, to check up on him, to worry. Chanyeol would rather they resented him with every cell in their body.

His phone is barely charged he sees. So he turns his phone into silent mode and puts it back. 

He hesitates though. What if Baekhyun suddenly calls him? And then he couldn't pick up?

But then he laughs at himself. 

Would Baekhyun really? After all this he has been through?

The phone again lights up and it's Jongin again. 

Chanyeol stands up ignoring it and walks back to the sofa . He sees the poor album still on the floor and picks it up again feeling apologetic.

 

He flips it towards the last half of the album where he was looking at before and in a fraction of a second something catches his eye. 

Papers.

He flips it.

It's Baekhyun's writing.

There are papers.....

It's Baekhyun's.

 He looks at them with his ear ringing and his brain grasps nothing at the moment.  He tries to keep calm but his body is not even listening to him and his brain displays nothing but a single word it captured from somewhere in those papers. 

 

_Goodbye._

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

  _Hey Yeollie,_

 _I don't know what I am supposed to write. I mean we always used to write each other letters and it had never been this hard._ _I've been writing over and over again but I just can't seem to know what I should actually write. Well you see, I have so many things to say to you but I don't know how. Never in my life had I thought that a day would come when I would not be able to say things to you, that I would even hesitate.... but it ..has happened._

_I am questioning to myself Yeol. Why did it become like this? When did we become like this?_

_I don't want to imagine how you must be feeling ....reading this. You know I didn't want to write actually. I didn't. It had not been on my head at all but I knew I couldn't just leave you. I can't. And you don't deserve it too._

_Where do I even start Yeollie?_

_I know it won't make much of a difference.... but Yeol~ah..... I'm sorry that I'm leaving you. I know I said I would never, I know I promised you...but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left without saying anything. I'm sorry that I'm making you worry and hurting you._

_I love you. You know I love you the most in the world right? That there is no one I love more than you. And that even when I will no longer be there I will keep on loving you, because you are the only one for me, now, then and forever._

_Knowing you, I know you must be blaming yourself, thinking what must I have done wrong? It must be my fault that Baekhyun left. You must be giving yourself a really hard time._

_Don't Yeollie._

_It's not your fault. Not everything. Because the fault's mine as well._

_I don't know since when did I start to think about leaving Yeol. I can't remember it myself. But I know I started having these thoughts when one day I woke up and couldn't feel in me that you still wanted me in your life the same way._

_It's not your fault Yeol. It's not. I understand that you were busy. You were chasing your dream life. I would never complain. I was and am so so proud of you everyday. I see you everywhere, I hear about you everywhere and do you know how happy that makes me feel. That you reached there.... where you said you will be one day._

_You remember Yeol? We were in the Lotte World and you held my hand and said 'One day Baek, my face is going to be all over this place and you'll only see me everywhere'. I went to Lotte World again and I really could only see you Yeol._

_Didn't I tell you? That one day you would make it and everybody would see who you are?_

_And then looking at them I realized you were everywhere I could see through my eyes yet my eyes yearned to see you, actually see you._

_I understand Yeol. I understand everything. It's just you fell in love with a selfish person. Too selfish. And I hate myself for being this way. I understood you not being with me, everytime we cancelled our dates or when you left early . I didn't once detest it. Never._

_I just ....when I used to walk home alone or eat the food I cooked for us alone and slept on our bed.... alone. I felt lonely. I started feeling empty._

_Because you have always been my everything. Since the beginning .And then suddenly you were gone. Like you were there with me one day beside me laughing and cracking jokes. And from the next day you were gone. I would tell myself and convince myself that it was going to be okay. Soon. Everything was going to be fine. But Yeol one day I realized it was not going to happen anytime soon. Because everything had changed between us over these years._

_I'm sorry Yeol that I have become like this._

_I started feeling like that.... but whenever you called or came home, I used to forget everything. Like the thoughts were not even there in the first place. Like everything was falling back to place. And then you would be gone ....again...for days, months and the monster in my head would crawl into me like parasites._

_I hated myself for even doubting your love for me. That I even had thoughts about it. And no matter how much I hated myself I couldn't stop Yeol. It didn't stop._

_I would call you just to listen your voice so these thoughts would stop. I would stop by your dorms to maybe hold you once. But then I would realize how selfish I was becoming. Why was I blowing things out of proportion? You would call me whenever you were free and came home when you had a break. You did everything to be back to me every chance you got._

_So, I convinced myself to sleep every night thinking about that Yeol. And it worked!_

_Trust me. It did._

_But it didn't last long though._

_You remember that one time when I hurt my ankle Yeol? When I slipped in the bathroom?_

_I lied to you Yeollie._

_I didn't slip in the bathroom. I hurt myself at that fire incident that happened about seven months ago. I was there in the mall to buy something for you, for your birthday when suddenly people were screaming and panicking while pulling and pushing and I got so scared that time. At one point while running I felt as if I might even die today? In that mass and chaos_  s _omebody pushed me making me fall down the stairs hurting my ankle._

 _But I somehow_ _managed to come out and as soon as I breathed the air outside Yeol, I called you.  And you didn't pick up Yeol. You had your reasons. Genuine reasons. Yeol. But I don't know why but everytime you didn't pick up,  something died within me._

_When I lay in the hospital bed alone that day I questioned to myself; Has Yeol forgotten that I exist?_

_I had never said it out loud Yeol. Never. I used to scold myself everytime before that.... but not that day. Even my heart didn't stop me from thinking that way._

_At some point of time during the night , I then started having these horrible thoughts. I could have died that day. I could have died had it been a little more severe. Had I not been on the South side but West part of that mall. And you wouldn't have been there in my last breaths. Is it because I  have become so insignificant in your life?_

 

_I was upset but how could I keep staying upset when you came home to me, all exhausted but still worrying over me. You looked scared looking at that plaster around my foot and kept on apologising over and over again. How could I stay upset? How could I voice out those horrible things? I knew you had too much on your plate already. I knew it was not your fault._

_But right now I realize I should have told you the truth that day. I should have asked you if you loved me? I should have asked if I was still important for you? I should have asked you to stay with me. I should have asked you all those so that you could scold me, hug me and make me feel loved ... like I used to._

_Because Yeol. I was dying to hear it from you. You might not even have realized but you stopped saying me that you loved me for months. I know you should not have to tell me that you did. That yes you loved me. But Yeol I don't know why but I craved to hear it from you._

 

_And then you started getting those rumors. Stupid.  I know._

_You had called me a few hours later the news exploded and said to not believe in anything with worry in your voice. To not even think about it. That it was baseless. You had already denied such._

_And you told me that you loved me...only._

_I cried after we cut the call._

 

_You asked me not to think about it but stupid me. I became curious.  I looked it up and it was the most stupid decision of my life. I looked at that girl ....and she was everything that I was not. Even your fans who were really possessive of you, accepted her. They said you two looked perfect for each other. How everything was at par between the two of you._

_I stopped myself that day. I don't know how but I fought with myself._

_I chanted over and over again that Yeol loves me. Yeol loves me. Yeol only loves me._

_I wish Yeol one of those days you had reminded me. It's my only complain to you Yeol.  I wish I shouldn't have been the one to remind myself that._

 

_Then that party happened. SKY's Daesang celebration party. You three had won two Daesang's in a single night. And I know there was nobody happier than me in the entire world that night. I waited for your call. But it didn't come for hours. I understand you couldn't call me right away. I just... I waited a lot Yeol._

_Like always._

_I waited. And at some point I ...got tired._

_Then Sehun called me. That you were going to have a party and I should come. He called me saying I should be your surprise._

 

_I think that was the day when I started packing my bags._

 

_When I went there you were happy to see me. You introduced me to your other friends as your best friend. Like we had decided long before even your debut. And after that you were gone._

__I was standing in the corner admiring you while people scrutinised me. I knew I looked nowhere like who belonged there. Among you people .But it hadn't mattered to me.__

_I looked at you Yeol and you were shining like a star you are. I always saw you on T.V. as an idol and seeing that you in front of me. It was different._

_Then I realized how stupid I was. The problem was not you. It never was. It was me. Seeing you with those people I found out I didn't belong in your world anymore Yeol~ah. That you and I now had longer distance than that huge couch in the hall._

_Everyday I started packing and unpacking. I would scold myself for being so rash. But then reality used to hit me._

_I had lost my fight with myself. And the only person that could save me was you._

_But how could you save me? When you had no single idea that I was even drowning._

_You actually saw my bags one day. The bag where I had packed my books the other day. I thought you found out now and I hoped... I hoped you would now put some sense in me when you realized what I was doing. But you pushed it aside and rummaged through the closet like nothing._

_Then I started packing my clothes._

  _I used to think that going to the city would give me everything. I would have my dreams, your dreams and that I would be, No! That we would be..so happy. I didn't even dream that rather than giving me anything, this city would rob me of my everything._

_You were my best friend since the longest time. You would know even the smallest quirks of me. I guess I then started getting disappointed that I was losing my mind and you looked over it. Even Junmyeon hyung saw it. Why couldn't you? Even once._

_You had no idea do you? But don't feel bad because you didn't know._

_Why am I like this? Ha._

_I am blaming you for not knowing things I hid from you._

 

_I had everything ready to leave except for the courage. Funny isn't it?_

_I want to run away from you but not want to to leave you too._

_I had been packing my bags for months but then I would cower and then get out of the house, hearing your voice in my music player._

_Because you didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve getting hurt because I have turned to this. You didn't deserve to be in pain just because I was._

_Because I thought to myself that if I left, you would be unhappy._

_That me leaving,...... you would never want that._

_But Yeol, I have no excuses left to convince myself to stay now._

 

_You were embarrassed weren't you yesterday? That's why you asked me to leave. I promise I was there just for my work. I would never harm your reputation you have made for yourself by working so hard. If you are still upset with me I understand Yeol. You don't have to explain it to me._

_I know you love me. I don't doubt it Yeol. But I'm no good for you.  And_ _knowing that you have realized it too. I have no excuses to stay anymore._

_I realized I should have left long ago in fact._

_I was just selfish trying to turn a blind eye to the obvious reality._

_Remember what I said when we were watching The Titanic?_

_I said that I didn't understand Jack asking Rose to live for him.... That if he loved  her enough he wouldn't leave her alone. That he would live with her. Because love is not leaving someone. Sure he died a hero but what about Rose?_

_I understand it now. Now that I am in his situation. I understand it._

_He believed in his love enough to leave her in this world.He loved her enough to let her go_

_And I love you enough to let you go. To live a life without me pulling you down with myself._

_You are like this prince like your fans say. Who is literally lat the top of this world right now. And I am just a nobody. And I don't think neither of us will be able to live with that. Because I am somebody who you can never be proud of._

_I know I have been selfish for too long._

_You are too good that you haven't been able to differentiate between love and pity anymore. I am a habit of yours so you haven't been able to think it through. I hope you would be able to truly realize your real feelings now that I will not be there._

_You know Yeol... I want you to do everything you want.  I want you to record thousands of songs and get hundreds of awards. I want you to travel the world and live your life to the fullest. And I want you to meet that perfect someone to spend with all your life._

_And me? You don't have to worry much about it. I will be okay. Perhaps in months or years. But I will be okay one day._

_It's not your fault. I hope you won't feel guilty because I said all these things. I am not writing all these for you to feel guilty. I just wanted to say goodbye ?_

_Because I can't hug you and kiss you and smile and then let you go. I'm not that brave enough. You know._

_And if possible forgive me? For everything. Especially for not letting you find your true happiness sooner._

_Thank you for giving me your love all these years. They are beautiful, our memories and I will treasure it forever in my heart. And I have left them for you too to keep. I love you Yeol. And I wish for your well being._

 

_Love,_

_Baek._

 

  _P.S. I'm sorry but I'm taking my ring with me. It holds a precious memory that I want to keep as a reminder of something that was beautiful._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

_"I heard you are being considered as a regular cast on the new show with Jaeseok hyung?"_

_"The company has been talking about it but I don't know much about it too. They will decide and then I'll get to know too" Chanyeol laughed._

_He is out with his colleagues from the movie he is currently filming. Well he has yet to debut officially as an actor but it's already his second movie that he is filming. The first movie in which he acted is yet to release and was hitting the theaters within two or three months._

_"I tell you. Popularity is a curse. I mean you are at the top of the world but you can't even enjoy the view" one of his senior said taking a sip of his drink._

_"We had it easier at our times. Than this generation. We could go around the world and no one would know. But these days, you get out for grocery, even Americans know what you bought" Another laughed._

_"Well you see..." someone was saying when he was interrupted by a new face._

_"Mr. Kim. Fancy seeing you here"_

_"Oh! Ji Yeong ~ah. What a surprise. Out for a drink?"_

_Chanyeol recognized that man too. He was one of the popular radio host. But he had not been in his show yet._

_"Yes! I am with my staff and guests from today's radio guesting"_

_"Well. Why don't you all join us too? Everyone gets more company?"_

_"No. Mr. Kim. It's okay. We wouldn't like to intrude"_

_"No. No. Please join us" somebody from their team spoke ._

_"Well then. Hope you won't really mind" He smiled and left._

_In a few minutes a group of six people came around and by then the staff from the restaurant had also brought the additional chairs too._

_"Oh! " Chanyeol heard his on-screen brother in the movie exclaim, " Isn't that Ji Yeon hee? The girl you were rumoured with last time?"_

_Chanyeol looked up and saw it was indeed her._

_Fun fact. It was their first meeting._

_"Awkward~~" his fake brother gritted._

_Then they stood up and greeted everyone._

_"Chanyeol~ssi. How are you?" A familiar face greeted him._

_"Good Mr. Yoon. Nice meeting you again" He said polite._

_"Well same here. Didn't think I was going to see you here"_

_When they had all settled down and had few ice breakers someone decoded to speak about the elephant in the room._

_"So you two don't even know each other?"_

_"It's the first time we're even seeing each other in person" The girl said laughing and everybody was amused._

_"Really? I can't believe I even supported you two when the news came out" Chanyeol's co-star spoke and he smiled awkwardly._

_"Well. Now you know each other. How about going out now" Someone joked and everyone laughed but Chanyeol didn't find it really amusing._

_Still, he knew he had to be in his best behaviour and shut up._

_It was a perfect timing when a new batch of food came and everyone's attention got divided._

_Chanyeol could barely breathe when someone else decided to speak up," So what about it? I honestly it would be a good match"_

_He looked at the girl weirdly because well she was not saying anything but blushing?_

_Chanyeol was about to say something generic about how their work doesn't allow them to date and that it was luxury and all when he saw Baekhyun standing still beside Choi Ji Yeong in his work attire._

_First thing that came to Chanyeol's mind; Since when did Baekhyun start to work here?_

_Second thing; Why was he serving food?_

_And then; Wasn't he supposed to work in just that restaurant?_

_So involuntarily his mouth opened ," Baek?"_

_Baekhyun smiled and everyone's attention too got on two of them._

_"You know him?"_

_"Yeah.. he is my friend" he said looking at Baek who was glancing at Ji Yeon Hee._

_Chanyeol didn't like the situation they were in one bit._

_"Really. You must come here often to be friends with the waiter"_

_"No. Actually we are friends from back at my hometown."_

_"Ahhh. Well then it must be a lucky day for you Chanyeol~ssi. You are meeting everyone today" They laughed._

_But Chanyeol had gotten worried. How much did Baekhyun hear? He didn't want Baekhyun to even misunderstand a bit._

_"Son. Would you like to join us too?" Mr. Kim asked Baekhyun and he shook his head rejecting politely._

_No. Chanyeol didn't want Baekhyun to be there with these people. What if they started bringing up that nonsensical topic again._

_"Excuse us for a minute please" he said standing up and walking towards Baekhyun._

_" Baek? Can we?" He whispered motioning outside with his hand subtly._

_Baekhyun walked in front of him and as soon as the door closed he looked around and pulled Baekhyun inside the restroom._

_"Why are you here Baek? You didn't even say anything about working here?" Chanyeol said upset ._

_"Yeah. About that...." Baekhyun said clearing his throat," I tried to tell you but with your movie and comeback..."_

_"Still. You should have told me. But what about the other job? Did you quit?"_

_"No. I finished there before I came here"_

_"Then why are you working here as a waiter? When you still have that job?" Chanyeol asked a little angry now. Because why would Baekhyun work two jobs when one was already enough._

_But before Chanyeol could get any answer his on-screen brother came_ _inside too._

_"Heyy" He said showing his teeth and moving inside the stall._

_They stayed silent looking around and each other till the guy came out again._

_"Let's go?" He asked and then looked at Baekhyun ," You should join us too Chanyeol's friend. It'll be fun. Come on"_

_"No. It's okay" Baekhyun said but Chanyeol's colleague was adamant._

_"Oh! Come on. Chanyeol say something. You two can catch up or something. He can have fun too."_

_"Why don't you go ahead and wait for us outside?" Chanyeol said and the other gave a thumbs up grinning and walking away._

_"We are not done talking okay?" Chanyeol said to Baekhyun seriously and turned to leave when he heard Baekhyun speak._

_"Yeol... "_

_He turned._

_"...do you want me to leave?"_

Chanyeol didn't know back then the true meaning behind those words.

_"I can leave if you want."_

Chanyeol feels his heart burning with hatred for himself.

Baekhyun had asked him if he wanted him to leave and he had nodded. He had given him consent.

Baekhyun was barely holding the thin thread of their relationship all alone. Baekhyun had been barely holding on a small hope. And Chanyeol himself had destroyed it for him.

 

      _ **Contrary to how I feel, painful words come out**_

_**I made you struggle and I'm struggling too** _

_**Unlike my determination, nothing's getting better** _

_**I always disappoint you and I regret it too.** _

_**\- universe** _

 

 

Chanyeol is shaking by the time he finishes the letter.

He didn't know. He really didn't. 

Like Baekhyun said he had no idea but No! Baekhyun is wrong.

Everything  _Is_ his fault.

He neglected Baekhyun over the years. He ran so blindly towards his dream that he forgot one person who had been with him through everything. Who had been so patient with him. Who gave up his own dreams so that Chanyeol could grab his.

Baekhyun shouldn't have felt insecure. Baekhyun shouldn't have had to remind himself that he loved him. Baekhyun was suffering right in front of his eyes and he didn't see. 

Baekhyun thought he was not good enough. Baekhyun thought that Chanyeol was embarrassed because of him. 

No! How could he? 

Baekhyun had given up his chances of success so many times just so Chanyeol shouldn't have to sacrifice his. How could Chanyeol dare forget them? How could Chanyeol feel embarrassed being with that person who gave him everything he has. 

He should have told those things to Baekhyun every chance he got. But he has lost it.

And he couldn't even regret now because he messed up that badly.

 

 

 

And what did he mean by Junmyeon hyung knowing more than him? Did he know Baekhyun was _leaving_?

 Then he suddenly remembered Junmyeon hyung saying ," _Baekhyun still didn't leave. For so many days, weeks...months he still didn't leave. He only left when you asked him to. Even at the end he left you, for you. Your happiness_ "

He knew.

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

The apartment looked exactly the same the last time Jongin came. Nothing was out of place .

Except the wall, which was bare then now held a small photo which he knew Chanyeol always kept in his wallet, was pasted clumsily with tape.

He remembers Chanyeol saying it was the photo in which Baekhyun looked the most ethereal. And he was not lying or exaggerating. In that simple photo where Baekhyun was wearing a white shirt was looking at the camera with twinkle in his eyes and smile was saying so much.

"He must be in the bedroom" Sehun said patting him and walking inside first.

Jongin tears his eyes from the wall and starts to follow him but not before asking the other person who had come with them.

"Jun hyung. Are you staying here?"  
To which the other simply nodded.

"Okay"

 

By the time Jongin had barely reached the bedroom a fuming Chanyeol was coming out of the door.

"Chanyeol hyung?" He said surprised.

And before any of them could think or react Chanyeol had punched Junmyeon in his face.

"Hyung!" Both Jongin and Sehun shouted before running to stop Chanyeol.

"What is wrong with you!?" Sehun shouted pushing Chanyeol away.

"Hyung are you okay?" Sehun asked worriedly to Junmyeon whose lips were bleeding. His cheeks also looked like it was going to bruise.

But Chanyeol was again trying to hit Junmyeon and Jongin blocked him holding his chest.

"Hyung! Stop! What are you doing?" He screamed.

"You knew! Didn't you?" Chanyeol shouted.

"He knew months ago that Baekhyun was planning to leave and he fucking kept his mouth shut!"

"What?" Jongin asked shocked.

"Jun hyung?" Sehun asked equally surprised ," What is Chanyeol hyung saying?"

"You fucking knew and you fucking kept quiet about it! I'll just kill him!"

"Hyung! Stop!" Jongin said pushing him as Chanyeol tried to pounce again.

"Jun hyung! What is Chanyeol saying? Did you know and you didn't tell any of us anything?" Sehun shouted this time equally angry.

How could Junmyeon hyung do this? Sehun thought.

"I knew" Junmyeon said looking at all of their faces ,"but you knew too Park Chanyeol"

"What the fuck are you blabbing now?"

"Before I did in fact." Junmyeon scoffed ," Don't you remember the day when you found Baekhyun's bag filled with his cooking books? Baekhyun told me you had _seen_ it"

Chanyeol stills in Jongin's hold remembering the letter.

"Oh you do remember it" Junmyeon laughed ,"You saw something so weird in your closet Chanyeol but you didn't even think about it twice. Because you were too _busy_ to care. Or simply putting you didn't care!"

"Hyung but you could have.." Sehun was saying when Junmyeon cut him off," What? You expected me to tell you all? That Baekhyun was thinking of leaving. That he had been packing since months and his  _Fianceè_ , Who should have known every fucking moment he entered this apartment had no clue! Baekhyun....he was giving this man hundred chances to stop him. Hundred is even an understatement."

  
Junmyeon then stood in front of Chanyeol," You punched me for not telling you nothing. Why would I? Baekhyun made me promise when I asked him about the bags to not say anything to anyone. That it was just him over reacting and making a rash decision. To not say anything because it was nothing but a spur of a moment thing. That he wouldn't think of _actually_ Leaving. I didn't believe him. Even a bit. It was not rash. I could see it in his eyes that he had been thinking about it for so long. But you know what? Even if he had not made me promise I wouldn't have still told you! You didn't give a shit about Baekhyun. Trust me... I love you as my own brother but I have no regrets seeing you this way."

 "Tell me Park Chanyeol. Don't you know how many chances Baekhyun gave you to stop him? Tell me and say you have no idea. TELL ME!"

"Even I could see, an almost stranger that Baekhyun was hurting. That kid who gave up everything for YOU was bleeding his heart and you didn't bat an eyelash for him. And you expect me to pity YOU?"

"Jun hyung" Sehun whispers loosening his hold around him.

Junmyeon shrugs him off and storms towards the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water to drink.

But in anger he throws the bottle on the floor harshly making the whole apartment shake.

He storms out again and stands in front of Chanyeol," You know what Baekhyun used to say to me. He used to tell me. _I understand him hyung. He is busy. And he has no time to even breathe_. But I couldn't tell whether he was convincing me or himself.

Tell me Chanyeol. Where were you then? Huh?"

"Busy. BULL SHIT!" Junmyeon shouts.

"Of course you had been busy. I have seen you three collapsing because of exhaustion. Don't you think I am the one who knows it the best?" He says pointing at himself.

"But it would not have killed you to call him once a day. Don't you think Baek deserved that? He waited for you every single day. He even resorted to call me to know if you were doing well. Sehun or Jongin or even your make up artists!"

"Busy is your excuse Chanyeol. Because life is all about Prority and You . Lost . Baekhyun. Because. You. Took. Him. For. Granted. YOU!" He says and turns around facing Jongin.

"This guy." He points at Jongin," He is your bandmate. Isn't he? Chanyeol? So he has almost the same amount of work load as you, same pressure, same lack of time? But do you know he never fails to call home. And if he couldn't do so he would ask me to check up on his home. Priorities. You see." He scoffs.

He breathes looking around pulling his hair before turning around to sit in the sofa.

None of them move from where they are. 

Until Sehun walks and sits beside Junmyeon silently. The album is still open on the floor and Sehun picks it up reading the letter.

Junmyeon sees it too and pulls it away from Sehun without any care and starts reading it himself.

Before he even completed he roared again.

"You piece of shit!" 

Sehun grabs him before he could stand this time.

"Let go. Oh sehun! I will kill that ungrateful piece of shit today! I said let go!"

"Hyung. Stop." 

"What stop! Can't you see? It's all his fault. Everything. And even in the end Baekhyun is apologising. He is saying sorry that he turned out that way, that he is selfish when this shit is the one who is selfish. Baekhyun is asking forgiveness for wanting affection! And look at him. He doesn't care and never cared!" 

"Enough!" Chanyeol shouted unable to take it anymore. He had been listening till now but no more.

"What enough! What enough! What? Because it hurts? Someone slapping the reality in your face? Huh!? That you fucked up the best thing of your life?"

"I know okay! I FUCKING KNOW! I know I don't deserve him. I never deserved him. I know that I pushed him away. I know I fucked up. Not once. Not only this time. But countless times. I know I hurt him. " he was saying when Junmyeon butted in.

"You think. Glad you could  _finally_ See it. What? Want a round of applause from us? Here!" He says clapping his hands with hatred burning in his eyes .

 

"Hyung stop. He is already hurting. Don't please." Sehun says holding his hands and Junmyeon looks at him with an unbelievable look in his face .

"I know.." Chanyeol says breaking down in tears in front of them ," I ... He .. Baekhyun blamed himself saying over and over again how it was not my fault. Even when I hurt him over and over again. He still took my side. " he laughs with tears sliding down ," I changed. I started getting greedy. With all the fame I wanted to get bigger. I thought if I work harder than this.. how far would I be able to go. I wanted to go higher. And yes! I am at the highest level now but I forgot to take Baek with me when I started to climb the ladder. I forgot the person who gave me his ladder in the first place."

"He nearly died. I could have never heard him or seen him anymore but I had no fucking idea. I used to think I call him whenever I'm free, I go meet him whenever I have time. I fucking felt I was handling everything okay. But I didn't even think once that I had started treating him like something insignificant. I was doing great because I treated him according to my _convenience_. Never did I wonder how lonely must he have been in this city where he basically had no one except me.  When he celebrated Christmas alone, his birthdays alone in this apartment which is lonely as fuck. He used to smile and say it was okay and I was so blinded by then that I believed his lies."

"I know it now. And I can't even regret it. Because he is gone now. I hurt him with out knowing but I did. I don't even have a fucking idea how many times did I hurt him with my words unknowingly. How many times I made him feel that way."

"And yet he says he was sorry. He says that he wants me happy that he wishes me happiness. Even in the end he left me because he thought he was dragging me down. Who will tell that stupid that I was the one who dragged him down so deep that he is not able to stand! "

"I want to scream at him thousand times that I love him, not to leave me, I want to hug him, keep him close but I know ....I know I have lost my time. I didn't do those things when I had the chance to make things right and the reality is.. he is gone.  From my life. Because....he wants to see me ...happier"

"How am I going to tell that idiot that when he left he took my happiness with him"

 

Even Junmyeon doesn't say anything. When he stands up Sehun does too but without any words he walks towards the door and out of the apartment.

"I'll be back in a minute." Sehun says following him.

 

Jongin sighs and walks to sit beside Chanyeol in the floor where he has kneeled down. He side hugs him and keeps his hand there.

"You fucked up hyung. Real bad."

"I know..." Chanyeol whispers.

"And I kind of hate you too right now."

 

     "I know..." 

 

 

After around half an hour Sehun comes back with Junmyeon in tow while Jongin and Chanyeol are still in the floor with Jongin's arms around Chanyeol.

"We bought some food" Sehun says and sits on the floor as well.

When Junmyeon doesn't follow his actions he glares at him.

"There are chairs..."

"Tchh" He glares and Junmyeon sighs sitting beside Sehun folding his legs.

It's just bread and juice but Sehun places them in front of everyone like he was serving a meal.

None of them opens it though.

 

Chanyeol stands up first walking to the sofa and starts flipping the album again. Sehun sighs with defeat but stands up too and sits beside Chanyeol looking at the pictures too.

"I miss him" Chanyeol whispers after some time and by this time both Junmyeon and Jongin have also moved around them.

"I can't live without him Sehun~ah" 

 

       _ **Because you're my everything for life**_

_**Even if I'm born again** _

_**I can't be with anyone but you** _

_**-For life** _

 

 

"Then bring him back" Sehun says without thinking his eyes still on the album.

All faces look at him and even he gets surprised.

"He loves you hyung. Too much. You said you drove him away. So.... shouldn't you bring him back too?" He tries to make sense.

"I don't even know where he is gone." Chanyeol says embarassed to even speak those words ," I don't  think....."

"Where am I even going to start Sehun~ah? And also  he doesn't want to be found. Why would he? "

The apartment falls silent again.

"But I will. I don't know where he is but I'm going to search for him. No matter how long it takes" Chanyeol says shaking.

 

           _ **I was afraid it was a dream**_

_**So I closed my eyes and opened them** _

_**Again, to find myself** _

_**standing before you** _

_**Like I've desperately** _

_**prayed for** _

_**I want to walk** _

_**side by aide with** _

_**you just once** _

_**Just once.** _

_**\- Angel** _

 

 

"Useless ..."Junmyeon mumbles something more along with the word.

"You are a world famous singer dimwit. Use that excuse of a brain of yours" He says annoyed and goes back to the floor where they were sitting on before. He grabs the juice bottle and starts sipping from it.

All three of them look at him weirdly and turn back to the album.

It takes them exactly ten seconds to understand when Sehun screams and goes to hug Junmyeon first. Chanyeol tackles them both to the ground crying like a child while Jongin simply slides to Junmyeon's left and hugs all of them with his long arms.

"Get off. You all are heavy" He groans but to no avail. All of them are crying and... rubbing their nose on his shirt. But what could he do?

Nothing. So he pulled them even closer and held them tight.

Stupid babies. 

 

        _ **Before our calendar is used up**_

_**I'll find where you are** _

_**I'm going to you now** _

_**So stop where you are** _

_**\- On the Snow** _

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

 

" **SKY's** **Chanyeol's much anticipated solo debut tops charts both nationally and internationally"**

_Top group idol SKY's member Park Chanyeol released his much anticipated album 'Frozen Nightingales' on 1st of April and it has been engraved as another milestone to his spectacular career._

_Overnight the album has been sold out of the stores and is breaking charts all over the world._

_The album has achieved a perfect-all-kill among the major realtime charts in Korea. As well as topped the itunes of 90+ countries._

_The top idol has hit yet another home run._

 

_ Source: Idol News_

 

 

_[+7,064, -231]   Album of the century!!!! It's so good!!!     Oh my god!!!! TT_

_[+2,675, -120]   When I heard SKY Chanyeol is doing a solo debut . I was not expecting THAT!_

_[+5,143, -33]   Every song in this album is a gem. They make me cry. And the best thing Chanyeol wrote them!!!!_

_[+9,326, -654]   Who would have thought Chanyeol would solo debut with ballads. Talented King! He can rap, he can dance, he can write, he can compose and he can sing like an angel. What a man. TT_

_[+8,657, -321]   Who else noticed the layout at the end tells a story? Please don't tell me none of you noticed it when it's so obvious???_

_[+1,873, -45]  Isn't it so obvious? Chanyeol is dedicating this album to someone he loves. Every song expresses his love to his lover. Who is the lucky girl/guy Oppa?_

_[+6,132, -576]  How in the world is this shit getting on charts? Every song sounds similar and it's so mediocre. People should stop hyping to songs just because it's from their favourite idol._

_[+5,234, -235]  Park Chanyeol really showed the world that he can do everything. When the world expected him to drop bops like Monster or Tempo he dropped masterpieces like Universe, For Life. Damn! It Isn't fair for me to not talk about every song in this album. <3_

_[+2,576, -112] Promise made me cry a river.. :((((( TT_

_[+7,821, -538] Ughhh...Talented King. Every song is a masterpiece. Generations will remember the songs on this album._

_[+6,235, -310] Well the songs are nice and all but I don't know. I just was a little disappointed. It's not bad but definitely also not the best like we expected. Sorry not sorry._

_[+4,743, -99]  So, who's next?_

 

 

 

 

**" Top Idol Star Chanyeol's solo album sales crossed the mark of 2 million"**

 

 

 

**" 'Frozen-Nightingale ' by Park Chanyeol appreciated by top artists in the music industry"**

 

 

**"Idol-Star Park Chanyeol thanks his fans for his super successful solo debut in his latest post"**

 

 

 

**"Fans speculate Park Chanyeol's album is a dedication to his love"**

 

 

 

**"Park Chanyeol's songs ruling over the charts and hearts"**

 

 

 

 

**"Park Chanyeol's recent post caused stir in the       fandom giving more fire to fan's speculations"**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

Chanyeol has posted two pictures from his album side by side.

It's the picture of his solo album's last pages that had been surprise to the fans when the albums were unboxed.

At the end of the album there were lyrics of every songs in the album extracted from the beginning, chorus and even the end. 

It's telling a story his fans said.

And indeed it is.

 

 

_**Picking up the old guitar** _

_**The confession I couldn't make** _

_**Pretending I made in song** _

_**I'm about to tell** _

_**Just listen, I'll sing for you** _

__ _**\- sing for you** _

 

 

_**A mystery came to me** _

_**With a face of an angel** _

_**Your warmth** _

_**\- For Life** _

 

 

_**Because you are the star that the** _

_**Sky dropped, that is you** _

_**I stay up all night in your thoughts** _

_**Your bright smiles make me breathe** _

_**You, You are probably** _

_**Hiding your wings behind your back** _

_**Anyone can see that you are** _

_**My only angel** _

_**I can fly if I'm with you** _

_**-Heaven** _

 

 

_**The moment I go to you** _

_**With a pounding heart** _

_**An instant heart attack** _

_**\- Heart Attack** _

 

 

_**Oh, I fall for you several times** _

_**Love,without me knowing** _

_**Comes and finds me unexpectedly** _

_**\- Don't go** _

 

 

_**We talk all night long,** _

_**Asking about how each other days were** _

_**And when you say this is the** _

_**Best part I shine even brighter** _

_**Thanks to you** _

_**-With You** _

 

 

_**We warmly held each other with happy** _

_**Laughter** _

_**Nights are dreamed of a tomorrow that** _

_**Will shine like the stars** _

_**\- Universe** _

 

 

_**Despite my clumsiness, you still** _

_**Like me no matter what** _

_**But do I deserve to be loved by you?** _

_**You who have always been** _

_**Waiting for me** _

_**You embraced me with your arms** _

_**So thankful to you** _

_**\- Promise** _

 

 

_**I'm sorry** _

_**I love you** _

_**-Promise** _

 

 

_**Contrary to how I feel,painful words come out** _

_**I made you struggle and I'm struggling too** _

_**Unlike my determination, nothing's getting better** _

_**I always disappoint you & I regret it too** _

_**-Universe** _

__

 

 

_**I want to hold onto you** _

_**And ask you not to leave** _

_**I know I can't turn back a promise** _

_**That I've already broken** _

_**-Promise** _

 

 

_**Because you're my everything for life** _

_**Even if I'm born again** _

_**I can't be with anyone but you** _

_**\- For Life** _

 

 

_**I was afraid it was a dream** _

_**So I closed my eyes and opened them** _

_**Again, To find myself** _

_**Standing before you** _

_**Like I've desperately** _

_**Prayed for** _

_**I want to walk** _

_**Side by side with** _

_**You just once** _

_**Just once.** _

_**\- Angel** _

 

 

_**Before our calendar is used up** _

_**I'll find where you are** _

_**I'm going to you now** _

_**So stop where you are** _

_**-on the snow** _

 

 

_**You can not get out of my life** _

_**It is full of you** _

_**-Fall** _

 

 

 

_**I'll search the universe until I can find you again** _

_**-Universe** _

 

 

 


	15. EPILOGUE

 

It's been almost two years since Chanyeol last set foot in their town. Last time he was here, he had come with Baekhyun during his six days vacation he got.

It feels weird to him.

To be alone in this town for the first time in his life. Without Baekhyun.

He doesn't want to be there. Thinks of even running away. 

He would have ran too had his sister not seen his car in the driveway and came running towards him.

It must be weird for her too to hug Chanyeol first rather than her other favourite brother but she doesn't let it show. She hugs him welcoming him home.

And It's been a year since they all knew too.

Knew about Baekhyun leaving. 

Their parents had got letters too after a day Chanyeol found his. 

 

Chanyeol is greeted at the door by his mother who hugs him too with smile gracing in her lips. He doesn't deserve it though. And it becomes nearly inbearable for him when Baekhyun's mother comes into view as well and gathers him into her embrace as soon as his mother lets go. 

He still smiles. Shamelessly.

He knows it's Baekhyun's doing. 

Their indifference to love him even after all that has happened, even if Baekhyun is not here because of him. He knows Baekhyun must have wrote something for him to still get treated as their son. 

"Both of your fathers have gone down town for Mrs. Gong's memorial. I think they'll be back in a few hours" His mother says getting inside the house.

"How do you keep getting bigger everytime I see you" Mrs. Byun says," You want be a telephone pole or what?" 

His sister laughs with Mrs. Byun," Poles are shorter Mom."

 The conversation goes on lightly. Both the mothers along with his sister keeps on talking about what new things happened around the town as they sit in the table drinking fresh juice from their farm while he only listens. 

Within an hour his mother orders him to rest though mistaking his lack of responsiveness as his tiredness. And he was indeed tired.

He had flown down today from Japan wrapping up the last leg of his tour and came straight to here. 

He kisses both the mothers on their cheeks and climbs up the stairs to his room dragging his luggage. He sees that nothing has changed around the house in a year. And nostalgia hits him in every crook of the house. Even his room is untouched.

He drops his bags in the floor and falls on the bed face down. It smells like washing detergent, the sheets. 

He feels his body wants to lay down but he drags himself up for a much needed shower. Getting few clothes out from his bag he enters the bathroom and stands beneath the shower head. As soon as the cold water hits his skin his body gets relaxed and he breathes groaning a little.

With his eyes still closed feeling the sensation of water hitting his body he grabs the shampoo bottle from the stand. He squeezes it and starts applying it on his hair when the smell overwhelms him.

Sandalwood.

Baekhyun.

He opens his eyes and it was indeed Baekhyun's shampoo brand.

Of course old habits dies hard. His mother must have not even thought for a second before buying it and placing inside the bathroom. Like always. 

 

When Chanyeol gets out of the shower he comes out smelling a little similar to Baekhyun and with just shorts on his body he lies down on the bed. 

He tries to sleep but the smell invades his senses and he cannot fall asleep.

He wants Baekhyun there. Not just the smell.

 

It has been more than a year since Chanyeol last saw Baekhyun. He misses him terribly everyday wondering how was he doing?

If he was okay?

If he was happy?

If he missed him too? 

Wondering if he listened to his songs?

If he knew that it was for him?

If he understood Chanyeol is desperately asking him to come back? 

If he was ever going to come back? 

If he would ever forgive him?

If he still loved him?

 

He sighs looking outside the window from his room. He sees that it is getting duskier. The birds are flying over the orange sky to their homes.

Chanyeol wonders when will he be able to return to his home?

 

 

By the time Chanyeol wakes up it's dark outside. His body aches now because of exhaustion and so does his head. He regrets falling asleep with cold hair.

He turns around the bed and tries to get up slowly. When he checks the time it's already half past nine. 

So, it was not a dream he thinks. His mother really did come to wake him up for dinner. But he slept it through.  

He yawns walking to stand at the window and looks around. The entire town is blinking with lights and so is the night sky. The weather is perfect he feels. 

To stargaze .

 

 

Wearing a cotton shirt over his upper body Chanyeol jumps through his window and slides down the branches of the tree to the garden like how they used to do in the past. Crossing their little garden he walks towards the Byun's backyard.

The iron gate doesn't have any lock like always for easy access between the two houses. He walks quietly and when he reaches the middle of the backyard he stops to lay down on his back.

Guess there's a first time for everything.

But he doesn't feel alone now though. It feels to him as if Baekhyun is right by his side and nothing is out of place. He decided he likes it, this deceit he is doing to himself.

 

After Chanyeol's solo debut last year their popularity broke greater heights and then SKY made another comeback with ' _Love shot'_ Which became bigger than their previous releases which nobody thought was even possible. Sehun also made his solo debut and it was crazier than Chanyeol's. Now, along with general public even Chanyeol is anticipating Jongin's solo to witness the biggest hit of the decade.

All those struggles and now they actually made it. 

Chanyeol got bigger success than he even dreamed of.

He felt thankful for it. To his fans , Sehun and Jongin, Junmyeon hyung and his company too for the spectacular success.

But not even once did he feel the happiness, the sense of achievement that he should have actually felt.  Even with everything he literally had nothing.

Just like Baekhyun had asked him to do, he did find his true feelings. 

That he was willing to give up everything he had in a heartbeat if he could just have his Baekhyun back. 

He would be ecstatic working on the warehouse doing hard labour, eating plain bread and water, sleeping on the cold floor if it meant he could be with his Baekhyun.

 

 

_A thousand times in a day_

_Your face repeatedly appears in my thoughts_

_........_

_Please just stay by my side,_

_Please remain here,_

_Don't let go of my hand_

_As you're holding it in yours_

_If this takes you a step further away from me,_

_All I have to do is take a step closer, isn't it ?_

_I'm not being myself,_

_I don't have the confidence,_

_I can't endure it any longer,_

_The days without you,_

_What now, what do I do now?_

_I really don't know. I am nothing without you._

 

_Without any words,_

_Please just run towards me,_

_With my lonely and uneasy heart,_

_I'm still here waiting for you_

 

_I love you,_

_I love you_

 

Chanyeol sings quietly in a whisper looking at the twinkling stars. When he sees a shooting star passing by.

Baekhyun loved those.

Chanyeol used to tease him saying that half the reason Baek was there to stargaze was only so that he could catch a shooting star and make a wish.

Baekhyun used to nod enthusiastically while Chanyeol faked a gasp.

Chanyeol smiles at the fond memory and closes his eyes.

He closes his eyes to ask the universe to give him his everything. 

    _Baekhyun._

He whispers in the dark.

 

And when he opens his eyes..... it's still the same.

The same night sky.

The same stars.

The same cool wind.

 

Silently tears slide down his eyes. Because it hurt.

He closes his eyes again letting those tears fall freely.

And when he opens his eyes, Chanyeol sees that Baekhyun is there with him, looking at him, laying beside him on the grass. 

The Baekhyun from his memory is more beautiful than yesterday. Fresh tears slide out from his eyes looking at Baekhyun who could only be there with him for a few seconds, who was going to disappear in the wind, just like yesterday and the days before.

He tears his eyes away from Baekhyun's image smiling.

 

 

 

    _Warm._

Chanyeol's hand. Suddenly.

He turns his head to his hand within fraction of a millisecond when he felt that warmth.

But he turns his head away immediately after looking at his hand and covers his mouth to emit any noise from his bawling.

The hold gets tighter.

Chanyeol cannot find the courage to open his eyes and look at the true reality because before this time too he has been disappointed too many times. 

It's a dream. He says to himself.

He's again dreaming a cruel dream. From which he doesn't want to wake up.

 

But he freezes when a body wraps around his torso. The body which he cannot forget even if he wants to. Around whose embrace he spent all of his life. 

And that body holds him tighter.

This time Chanyeol doesn't stop himself and starts wailing.

 

It's real.

 

This is my Baekhyun.

 

He is real. And not just a dream.

 

He has come back.

 

He is in my arms.

 

Baekhyun has come back to...me.

 

He wraps his arms around Baekhyun's body as tight as Baekhyun's and touches him everywhere to feel and convince himself if it really is real.

He wants to ask so many things. Has so many questions.

And he has more things to tell. He has millions of things that he has to say to the boy in his arms.

But he cannot even utter a word in that moment. He is just clutching Baekhyun as if he was going to disappear if the hold was even a tad lighter.

Chanyeol cannot breathe as he sobs in Baekhyun's neck.

 

When he feels Baekhyun loosening the hold and trying to get some distance he still doesn't let go . Only after few minutes he loosens his hold and he feels Baekhyun's breath on his face.

He opens his eyes slowly when Baek holds his cheeks wiping his face softly.

He sees Baekhyun doesn't look a day older since the last time he saw him.  And more beautiful if it is even possible.

 Baekhyun came back to him.

His soulmate.

His happiness.

His home.

 

  _I love you ....and I missed you._ Baekhyun says.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
